What Love Looks Like

Call me sappy, but I’m a big fan of Valentine’s Day. Now, I don’t mean all the flowers and balloons and chocolates and all of that stuff… but the celebration of love.  I think it is because my mom always made it such a fun holiday growing up.  No, she did not go overboard and send balloons and flowers to schools (as I teacher- THANK YOU, Mom, for not doing that!) but she always made it fun in some special way.  She would make a family favorite dinner complete with heart shaped Jello jigglers, or help us handmake Valentine cards with sparkly glitter glue.  She always had a small but special gift for us, and we celebrated love not in the mushy way, but the love of being a family.  Even during the awkward teen years when my friends were depressed by Valentine’s Day without a Prince Charming, I enjoyed it because I knew Mom wouldn’t fail to make it fun, and there would probably be heart shaped cookies to finish off a dinner of steak and baked potatoes. 

I saw that love wasn’t just “the mushy stuff.”  It is so much more than all of that.  And it makes me appreciate what “love” looks like in my life these days…

Love is walking into the kitchen and realizing someone else did the dishes already.

Love sacrifices a Sunday afternoon nap so I can have one.

Love says “I want to hold Mama.” (Sweetest toddler phrase ever!!)

Sometimes love doesn’t say anything, it just holds you while you cry.

Love gives big squeezy hugs then giggles and says “tickle, tickle, tickle!”

Love also gives sneak attack kisses.

I’ve watched love put aside its own feelings to do whatever it takes to take care of his family.

Love says “If you need me to dispose of a body I know where every sinkhole is on this place!” (No worries!! We haven’t done and wouldn’t do anything THAT stupid together, but I know her love would fight for me.)

Love shows up when you have a sick kid, your house is a mess, and you just need help.

Love sends a hand-written note in the mail to say “I’m thinking of you!”

Love takes care of bath time so you can have 5 minutes to just sit and rest.

Love wants to spend hours looking at pictures on our phones so he can see all his favorite people that he knows love him back.

Love helps figure out daycare pickup when Mommy can’t get there and Daddy is still at work.

Love is the look on his face when he is hugging the dog like his very best friend.

Love sends a text to say “I know you’re doing awesome.  I’m proud of you.”

Love does the laundry.

Love drops everything and comes when you need help.

Love lets you go run for your health and sanity, even when he is hungry and is anxious for you to fix dinner.

Love is where it is ok to not be ok.

Love says “I’m praying for you.”

Love checks in on you at just the right times.

Love wears a big cheesy grin and usually has sticky fingers.

Love makes you laugh.

Love brings home an unsweet tea “just because.”

Loves goes searching all over town (with a toddler) for medicine when you are sick.

Love sits with you when you are scared.

Love is brave in the face of fear.

Love does “evening duty” so you can still do some of the social things you want to do.

Love draws you a picture and writes “to the best teacher ever!”

Love reminds me that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Love says “I help Mama!”

Love looks at Daddy as his hero.

Love changes the station so you can listen to music you both like.

Love drives when you are too tired to.

Love shows what sacrifice is all about.

Love holds on to each other for dear life.

Love remains.

Love forgives.

Love went to the cross…  THAT is a love worth celebrating.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I hope you are able to look around and see the way love lives in your life this week. 

The Lessons and Questions from Two Years on this Adventure

On Sunday, we celebrated the big TWO in our house.  Two years of diapers and dimples, giggles and gross gunk, amazement and anxiety, fun and frustration, our hardest work and greatest joy… two years of parenting. 

I will admit, we spent most of the first year apologizing to (a) for being completely inexperienced at what to do in this parenting gig.  Thankfully, he was patient and let us keep practicing through the second year.  While I will be the first to admit we do NOT at all have it figured out, we have learned a few things in the last two years, not just about parenting, but things about LIFE.

We have learned…

-Flexibility goes a long way.  Flexible plan, flexible schedule, flexible expectations… they are all important.  When I am determined something HAS to go a certain way, I am usually disappointed.  When we are willing to be flexible and regroup, parenting (and life in general) is much more enjoyable. 

-Always throw in the change of clothes… and I don’t just mean for the kiddo.

-Take time for the snuggles.  This has sometimes been hard for me because I tend to be a “go, go, go” type of girl.  I’m usually checking off my list and working to accomplish the next thing, but I have tried hard to learn that sometimes the snuggly nap is more important, the books that he wants read should trump what I’m working on, and the dishes and laundry will still be there tomorrow if I spend that time tonight enjoying bedtime cuddles (except, actually they may not because my husband is a rock star!)

-Trust your nose.

-The tough stuff is better shared.  I have no earthly clue how I would have navigated these first two years without a strong husband and a tribe of helpers.  Whether it is a rough diaper change, his fiercely stubborn streak, or a 3 am decision that it is snack-and-play time I’m grateful to have someone by my side to step in when my patience is thin or step up when I just don’t have it together.  We are blessed with family who will drop everything and help when we ask and friends who have stood in the gap for us when we needed it.  It really is true, it takes a village to raise a child, but I’m also learning to see that it takes a village to accomplish anything worth doing in life.

-Cheesy grins and peals of laughter can fix the worst day or melt a heart of stone.

-It’s still important to take time to be the best you.  At first, I was worried about how I would be able to be all mom, all the time, but I quickly learned that I didn’t have to be, actually that I SHOULDN’T be.  It is kind of the like the “airplane safety talk,” you know- the one where they tell you that you first must put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs.  While it first sounds super selfish, it makes sense.  If you become incapacitated because you can’t breathe, you are no longer able to help the person you are with.  If I am not spiritually healthy, mentally healthy, emotionally healthy, or physically healthy I am not able to be the mom he needs me to be.  While I certainly can’t have all the “me time” I used to have, I have learned that it is not selfish to take care of myself because that I how I am able to give the best of myself to my family. 

-“Gross” is a relative term.

-When you think there is no way to love someone any more than you already do, just wait, you can.  (A) and I were married nearly 9 years before (a) was born.  We had been through a lot together, I was pretty sure I loved him as much as I could… and then I watched him become a dad.  If I tried to tell you everything I appreciate about him as a dad I would still be writing three days from now.  The sheer joy that radiates from the two of them together makes my heart want to explode.  There is no part of parenting he backs away from, and he does whatever it takes to help keep the balancing act of our crazy lives in play.  I thought I loved him before, but I love him even more now.  The same goes for that little dimple faced boy.  The first few days of his life I was totally amazed at how precious he was and we loved him quickly… but now he climbs in my lap and says “I want to hold Mama” and I realize I love him even more.  Every time I watch him read a book, or laugh, or play with his dog, or love on his people I think “there’s no way I could love him any more” and then he does something else and I realize I was wrong, it is possible to love him more than I already do.

While we have learned a lot about life from parent…. There are still a lot of questions that I have….

-Will we ever figure out how to squeeze 27 hours into a day?

-Will there ever be a time that I am not exhausted?

-Children’s cartoons….. Seriously, who let this Paw Patrol kid, Ryder, have 6 dogs at age 10? Who is funding all his crazy gadgets? Who voted for a mayor that constantly carries a chicken around in her purse??!!  Why has Adventure Bay never been listed on any vacation sites I have seen? I mean the place has ski slopes AND a beach you can swim in at the same time of year!!

-How does someone so small go through so much laundry?

-Is there any way around ALLLLL the messes?

-When will he stop screaming at haircuts and hair washes?

-Will the word “mine” ever be spoken kindly and lovingly?

-Will I ever be able to slow down time?

-Will he ever understand just how much we love him?

I don’t know if year three will hold the answers to any of these questions… but we are going to jump in to it and find out.

“Children are a gift from the Lord.  They are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3 (NIRV)

A Tribute to Mentors

Over the past weekend some events happened that have caused me to be pretty reflective about the role of mentors. 

Due to injuries sustained in a horrible accident Friday, my family and entire hometown are grieving the heavy loss of our farm’s primary vet, but more importantly a great man.  While Dr. Bill was a very skilled vet who quickly came to our aid during several farm emergencies, the things I will remember most about him were not just what he did for our livestock.  I will remember how he treated US.  He was more than just a vet, he was a friend and mentor.  Dr. Bill was always a “cheerleader” for my sisters and I when it came to our endeavors in 4-H, FFA, and showing cattle in state and national shows.  When he came on a farm call, not only did he work on our animals, he always had a smile on his face, and he was always teaching us girls and explaining what he was doing.  He NEVER discredited us based on the fact that we were young or that we were girls in situations where many others would have written us off for one or both of those reasons.  I even remember a few occasions where he looked at my sweet Daddy, his friend, and laughingly but honestly gave him a gentle nudge to trust his daughters, they knew what they were doing when it came to the livestock.  I never was afraid to call his office or seek his veterinary advice because I knew he would never make me feel insignificant.  In high school, I served as a youth representative to our 4-H council and had the task of selling advertisements for the yearly 4-H handbook.  I approached Dr. McDonald about purchasing an ad for his vet clinic and he bought the back cover of the book.  What I DIDN’T know (until the book came out in print) was that he turned around and used a part of that prime ad space to congratulate me on an award I had recently won.  I was SO touched, but when I thanked him he just smiled and told me he was glad to do it.  He was a man who loved God and his family, and as a young person that spoke a lot to me.  I knew how much I appreciated and respected him in his profession, but to see him openly shine his light as a Christian made such an impression on me that you could be “successful” in more than one way.  I enjoyed his fantastic singing voice that he used to worship, and I got to share a laugh with him just a few weeks ago when we were at my home church for Christmas.  While his loss will be felt by the many, many lives he touched, I also know mine are just a minor few of the NUMEROUS stories I have heard of the way he cared for people and kind things he did.  He left a powerful legacy on our community.  And it makes me reflect on what kind of mentor I am to those watching me. Do I make a conscious effort to make people feel significant no matter their age or experience?  Am I an encourager?  Do I shine for Jesus in ways that point others to Him?  Thank you, Dr. Bill, for being someone who did those things in my life. 

On Sunday, a series of bizarre events ended up with me being sent to the Emergency Room for an eye issue.  (Yes, I am going to be fine.  It was a little scary, but only ER worthy because the initial doctors I saw felt the need for more tests that can only happen in the Emergency Room when it is Sunday and the eye drs office is closed.)  Of course, I couldn’t see to drive so (A) had to take me, which also meant (a) had to tag along.  The fact that he was along was a little chaotic, and I was scared to death of him being around all the flu germs from basically everyone else around us.  Thankfully my sister was in the area and came to rescue him from all the “excitement.”  Today, after everything had calmed down and I had seen yet another dr, (a) was talking to me about what had happened and what he had done while he was with my sister.  The thing that was most precious to me however, was that he kept saying over and over “My Daddy help Mama!! My Daddy is up, up, UP!  My Daddy help Mama!! My Daddy is up, up, UP!” (complete with hilarious hand motions!) Despite all the crazy things that were happening, and chaos around him the thing that he remembered most was that his Daddy was helping his Mama.  (I assume the up, up, up was giving Daddy some sort of recognition for this haha.)  I am so grateful that is the kind of role model my little boy has-  a man who is a loving, concerned husband who does whatever it takes to take care of me.  What an amazing mentor to look up to, what a worthy goal for (a) to strive to be. 

While my emotions are still running high from the events of the weekend, I am so thankful for the reminders about the power of mentors.  I am heartbroken, but also grateful for the opportunity to become more mindful that it is my little day to day actions toward others that matter the most.  Whether it is how I encourage or teach, the way I react to unexpected chaos, or make people feel significant in every situation- the power to be a mentor who points others toward Jesus is an opportunity I should never take for granted. 

“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you.  Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.”  Hebrews 13:7 (NIV)

Chicken or Pig

Many times, I have heard the story of the farm animals trying to decide what kind of favor they could do for their beloved farmer.  They had the idea of fixing him a wonderful breakfast- the chicken suggested bacon and eggs; to which the pig replied, “for you that’s a contribution, for me that’s total commitment!”  It of course is a funny little story, but comes with such a heavy thought… am I looking at a contribution or a total commitment? 

On Sunday, our minister began his message with the question “How far are you willing to follow Jesus?”  It was a question that hit me very heavily.  I have always said I trust in Jesus, and that I am willing to do what He asks of me… but for the most part that has never been tested.  It is easy to say I am willing to follow Him when all it takes is a contribution- when I could write a check for the situation.  It is easy to say I am willing to follow Him when it only requires me to contribute a few extra hours of my time.  It is easy to say “I trust you” when it is just about the details coming together for an event.  It is easy to say “I trust you” when it is a very small step out of my comfort zone.  But I will admit, the past few months it has been much harder to say “I am willing to follow You, Jesus.”  It is harder to say “I am willing to follow You, Jesus” when it requires full commitment… when it might mean uprooting your life, when it might mean moving away from your family, leaving your friends, giving up the home where you began your family, surrendering a job you love, and completely starting over.  While our family’s future is still totally uncertain, all of those are very real possibilities, and to be completely honest, I have had a hard time wrestling with it.

I have often been amazed by those who surrender it all, say “I will follow You, Jesus” and head to the mission field.  I have always admired that courage, but admitted that I wasn’t sure I could do it.  It takes much more faith to make a commitment like that, than just the piddly little contributions I have made throughout my life.  And I realize how fortunate I am- I know many of you who are reading have had to say “I trust you, Jesus” with a scary, uncertain situation such as your health, your family, your marriage, your life- all things far bigger than what I am wrestling. 

After church, (A) and I were discussing the sermon over lunch, and I admitted that I’m ashamed to say I think in Jesus’s day I might have been more like some of the followers who turned away, or even one of the Pharisees- because I am SUCH a rule-follower and I have a hard time accepting change, especially if it goes against the rules I have learned (if my sisters are reading this today they are eye-rolling and laughing because they know how very true those words are).  They couldn’t handle following Jesus because they couldn’t give up “the way things have always been” or the teachings that seemed to contrast some of the rules they had always followed.  I’m grateful to live in a time where I have the “whole story” through the Bible and can get a full understanding of who Jesus is and just what He meant with his teaching.  (A) on the other hand, is much more like some of the disciples.  He is brave enough to step out of his comfort zone to follow the calling of Jesus.  He is much less tied to sentimental/emotional things than I am.  During our lunch conversation, he even laughed and admitted he would have been like some of the fisherman who just left their father standing in the boat when Jesus called them to come follow him. (Let me just say, he did NOT mean that as a dig on his dad, just the reality that he is not sentimentally/emotionally tied to things like I am.)  But you know, I realize I need to learn to be more brave and more willing to make an all-in commitment to follow like the apostles did.

As my heart was working through all the thoughts within this lesson… “how far AM I willing to follow Jesus?, how much AM I willing to trust Him?”  my heart was given a gift.  Our service took a turn from our usual contemporary worship style to sing one of my favorite old hymns.  I love music.  I have always loved music.  I was blessed with very musical parents and raised in a very musical home church.  From the time I was a little girl, I was singing in church and soon helping with worship ministry.  And from that upbringing I can truly say, I love BOTH contemporary music and old hymns.  But I will admit, sometimes there is just something extra special to me about going back to sing one of those hymns and be reminded of the words I memorized as a little girl….

Tis so sweet, to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His word,

Just to rest upon His promise,

Just to know, “thus saith the Lord”

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him,

How I proved him o’er and o’er

Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus,

Oh for grace, to trust Him more.

And I can’t lie, it choked me up a little, it really IS sweet, to trust in Jesus.  To let those words sink in… how I proved Him over and over… so many times in my life He has showed me just how much I can trust Him.  Just in the few months of transition in our lives He has shown me how much I can trust Him….

When we weren’t sure how we would make it financially, he showed we could trust Him.  

When we didn’t know where we would worship, he showed we could trust Him. 

When we didn’t know if we would ever “belong” again, he showed we could trust Him. 

When new possibilities looked good on the outside but didn’t feel right, he showed we could trust Him.

When we didn’t know how to put one foot in front of the other, he showed we could trust Him. 

I realize, that if He has shown me over and over how much I can trust Him, that I will continue to trust Him… even with the very hard stuff… because He continues to prove just how trustworthy He is.  And Oh, for grace, to trust Him more…  I’m so grateful for His grace, a little wrestling room for my heart if you will, as I keep learning (even when it’s so hard) to trust Him more. 

No, we still do NOT know ANYTHING about what the future holds, but we know WHO holds it.  So, even on the hard days, I will say “We will follow you, Jesus.  We trust in You.”  I don’t want to be a chicken who just contributes, I want to make a commitment. 

“Come follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once, they left their nets and followed him.  Matthew 4:19-20 (NIV)

When You're Cold and Sick....

It’s funny how perspective can change.  I have NEVER been a fan of winter, or snow, or cold, or ice, or really any of the things that go with winter.  I have never been a fan of snow days.  Even as a kid, a snow day actually meant more work than a school day, because keeping things going on the farm required far more work in the freezing cold.  As a teacher, I’m not a fan of my plans getting disrupted or the extra chaos that comes with the excitement of that four-letter “s” word (SNOW).  But I am going to admit, I have felt a little different this winter.  In December we had one Saturday with a slight dusting of snow and we took (a) out for his first adventure in it- and he LOVED it!! He laughed and played, and played and laughed.  As a mom, it was SO fun to watch him throw snow, then lick it, then make the dog lick it, then throw some more.  He even kept saying he wanted to build a “'noman” (which was not really an option with less than an inch of snow).  After watching him enjoy December snow so much, I was actually kind of excited yesterday when we received a couple inches.  Usually I would be groaning to watch it continually fall, but yesterday as I sat at my computer working (my school does e-learning days, so I have to be available to my students for set hours during the day) I couldn’t wait for e-learning time and nap time to be over so we could go out and play together.  Actually, my e-learning hours finished while (a) was still napping and I found myself sitting by him, watching over him for any sign he was ready to get up (WHAT!!!??? I’m always milking that nap for every last minute of what I can accomplish while he is asleep!)  I just couldn’t wait to see his face when we got outside.

Fortunately, he didn’t disappoint!  He laughed, and giggled, and threw snow.  He is nearly two and quite conversational, so he told me all his observations about the “’now is coooold” and told me about both of our dogs, and the neighbor dog “play in da ‘now.”  It didn’t even phase him when he fell down a couple times from the combination of bulky snow clothes and ice underneath the snow.  He would giggle and look up at me and say “I fall down!” and then quickly bounce back up.  Nothing phased the fun he was having for nearly an hour until…. He got cold.  And when he was cold it was all over.  The neighbor kids had come over so sweetly to give him a ride on their sleds.  He was having fun, he was telling them about the snow, but when he decided he was cold, there was no consoling him.  He no longer wanted anything to do with the sled, he didn’t want to play with the kids, he didn’t want to walk in it anymore.  He just wanted to cry.  I took him to the house, got both of us un-bundled, snuggled him under a blanket with me but the crying continued because he was cold.  It took quite a while for me to get my usual sweet, silly boy back because all he could focus on was how cold he was. 

Sometimes I think this is so true with our spiritual lives as well.  We can be in a place where we are so happy, and things are going so well, that we are distracted from the fact that we are slowly getting cold.  Growing cold is not something that happens immediately, it takes some time, but we often don’t notice it happening until we realize we are freezing and there is no quick fix.  It is easy to skip our prayer time one day because we are so busy, or to decide we are just too tired to fit in devotions tonight.  We are happy, things are good, we feel like God is blessing us, so we just start skating by.  We might even slip and fall here and there, but as long as we are able to bounce back up we don’t notice until it hits us smack in the face… we are freezing spiritually because we have allowed ourselves to stay too long out in the cold.  We need to bring ourselves back to the warmth of the Father’s love.  When (a) was cold he knew the house was where he wanted to go.  He knew that going back there was where he could get warm.  Just like the warmth that was inside our home, God has never moved from us, we are the ones that wander away from Him.  And just as it takes time to grow cold, it takes time to become warm again.  It is not just something that happens overnight.  It takes time and nurturing. 

Last week I was very sick.  I didn’t go to the dr for official diagnosis, but we are very sure it was full blown influenza (I totally DON’T recommend it!!)  The symptoms were very rough, but one of the things that was toughest for me was how much I really had to take care of myself for it to get better.  I will admit that I am always bad about pushing myself too much.  I let symptoms completely stop me in my tracks before I’m willing to take care of myself (though I will say this time it hit me quick), and then I push myself to go back to work way before my body is ready, I don’t stay down while I am sick, I try to accomplish things instead of resting, and ultimately it takes longer to get better.   This time however, I tried to do my best.  While I was at home I literally did not do anything but rest.  I let (a) and (A) take care of everything around the house (ok, so (A) was taking care of things (a) just followed him around and told me “I help! I help Daddy!” But it was cute!)  I tried not to push myself as much as usual, and in a few days’ time I was starting to feel better. 

When we know we are sick spiritually, we have to slow down and allow time for God to nurture us.  We have to stop the running in 60 directions and simply rest in Him.  Sometimes we have symptoms telling us we need spiritual healing, and other times it hits us quickly, but either way we must learn to STOP and let him heal us.  When we try to keep going, ultimately it takes longer to get better.  In our home we have found this is true when God is healing your heart.  When we try to muscle through on our own power, when we try to declare ourselves “ok” it really is only taking longer to heal.  We have to rest in the arms of the ultimate healer and allow him to take care of our hearts and our spiritual health. 

I am grateful for a Father who loves us enough to take our cold, sick, hearts and wrap them in the warmth of His healing love. 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

2017 Top Ten Blessings

I gave up making New Year’s Resolutions years ago… It was just a chance to set myself up for failure.  I tred to look at the New Year as a chance to make some plans for myself, but I also have learned that God may have a totally different set of plans that I don’t even see coming.  So instead, the last couple years I have taken the New Year as a chance to look BACK at the blessings of the past year, thank God for those blessings, and look at what I have learned about myself and my faith walk through those experiences.  To be completely honest, 2017 has been a VERY hard year for my family.  It has brought a lot of changes and challenges, but through it all God has continued to bless us and I choose to count those blessings.

So here… (in a general order) are my top ten favorites of 2017:

10.  New Favorite Recipes

              I have always enjoyed cooking.  As a busy mom and teacher, it is certainly hard to find time to cook, but I try to cook for my family as often as possible.  This year brought 3 new favorite recipes to my kitchen.

              -Tomato Basil Bisque (So easy and cheap! I like it best with FRESH basil)

              -CreamyChicken and Wild Rice Soup (I add mushrooms and carrots to make it a little more hearty, and because I make it more hearty I cut the flour back to ½ cup)

              -HerbedWatermelon and Feta Salad  (Seriously- the strangest mix of ingredients but I LOVE it! Fabulous summer salad! Especially since I grow several of my own herbs from spring to late fall)

9.  Spring Mill State Park Adventures

         Spring Mill has always been one of my favorite places.  I grew up only about 20 minutes from the park and it was often the scene of some of my favorite summer adventures for my family- picnics, afternoons at the park’s public pool, playing in the creek, exploring the pioneer village.  It had been several years however, since I had spent much time there.  This spring/summer brought me back a few times and a chance to introduce (a) to the fun of this fabulous state park and make new memories there with him.  We treated my mom to a Mothers’ Day picnic, hike, and afternoon in the pioneer village.  Then a few weeks later my guys and I spent an afternoon of fun there. 

8.  Spring Break with my Grandparents

              I am fully aware that I am incredibly blessed that in my mid 30’s I still have 3 living grandparents.  They have been such wonderful influences on my life and I absolutely LOVE getting to share my son with them.  The guys and I were fortunate enough to spend our spring break this year in Louisiana with my maternal grandparents.  They introduced (a) to his first Cajun food- which he loved, he walked my grandpa around the yard and porch 7,392,645 times, they shared ice cream cones, laughter, and played for endless hours.  I never get tired of my Grandpa’s stories from his Air Force career or days as a child in my hometown.  I could gain 100 lbs eating my Granny’s delicious cooking, and once again this trip I was so grateful for her seamstress skills as she has helped with more than one special event outfit (NOT related to the weight gained from her cooking!!)  I cherish the memories we have made with them, and this spring break was no exception.

7.  Running

              Never, ever, in a zillion years would I have thought RUNNING would make a top ten list in MY life… but it happened.  In April we joined a Bible study group in our town called “Run for God.”  It was a 12 week study that went with training for a 5K and culminated with the race at the end.  I had no idea how much “therapy” running would be for me.  It was great time to spend as a family getting our runs in together, and was an excellent push for me to step out of my comfort zone.  From July to Sept we completed 3 different 5Ks as a couple and (A) did one other by himself.  I now find myself CRAVING a run several times a week and ENJOYING the time I spend pounding the pavement.  While I am certainly NOT an accomplished runner by any means, it is a discipline that was a huge accomplishment for me.  It was a major lifestyle change for me to become a runner, and one change I plan to keep!

6.  Church Camp

              Camp has always held a very special place in my heart.  Ever since I was a young girl I loved attending camp.  I was baptized at camp, I met (A) at camp, we spent several of our college summers working for a camp, and volunteering at camp is our favorite way of doing ministry together as a couple.  This year was one of my all-time favorite weeks we have ever coordinated.  We introduced new elements for learning and committing to spiritual growth, poured our hearts in to team-teaching/speaking together for the first time, shared our faith with 150+ students through the 3 events we deaned, brought in a great Christian comedian, and the week ended with one of my BEST EVER camp highlights- I had the privilege to baptize one of my former 3^rd grade students who was in attendance at our week.  I don’t even have adequate words to express how much this year’s camp ministry experience blessed and taught me.

5.  One Life Out Loud

              For a long time, God had been laying on my heart the fact that I should continue to pursue women’s ministry through writing.  I took some time to think and pray about the best way for that to happen and in June of 2017 I launched this blog.  I had no idea how much it would teach me, how it would grow me in my own faith, and what a blessing it would be to my life.  I can’t thank my readers enough for your kind words and encouragement weekly.  I am humbled and blown away that hundreds of people each week read my words, and I fervently pray that those words glorify God and bring people closer to Him.  As with the commitment to running, blogging has been an act of personal discipline that has HUGELY changed my life, and one I am excited to continue in the coming year.

4.  Gifts of Experience

              A few years ago, we made a decision to start cutting back on gifts of “things” and starting giving more gifts of experiences.  It is a decision I would HIGHLY recommend if you have never tried it before.  As I mentioned earlier, a picnic day at Spring Mill with all of her girls was my mom’s Mothers’ Day gift. My sister gave (a) tickets to both the zoo and children’s museum, both of which led to SOOO much fun together as a family and wonderful memories made.  Instead of gifts for our 10^th wedding anniversary we took a vacation together (just the two of us) to celebrate.  (A) surprised me in late July with tickets to see one of my favorite bands (the Oak Ridge Boys) in late Oct as my Christmas gift.  And in August, he asked if he could have Oct tickets to see Garth Brooks as his Christmas present (to which of course I said YES!)  We made so many fun memories through these experiences, and I didn’t have to worry about anything fitting incorrectly or needing to be dusted.   

3.  Faithful, Faith-filled Friends

              As this year presented some very difficult challenges, it also led us to experience the love and support of faithful friends.  Ministry friends from across the country stepped in to provide prayers, love, and encouragement. Our church camp “family” literally held us up and introduced us to our new “in the meantime” church home which has been another source of encouragement and spiritual growth.  Church family from 10 years of ministry have showed love and appreciation for all my husband has poured into them, and we have seen what TRUE friendship is really worth.

2.  Toddler Parenting

              Sharing our lives with a busy little boy has been SUCH an adventure- and I wouldn’t trade it for the world!!  He loves to dance, read, play with his dogs, feed cows, ride horses, wear glasses, lick things, make messes, eat 24/7, and snuggle.  He would live outside if we would let him and he is fiercely independent (I have NO clue where he gets that, haha!)  He is QUITE a talker who knows how to try our patience and melt our hearts, and usually switches between those two things within a matter of minutes.  Parenting has been challenging and fun, exhausting and joy-filled all at the same time.  I pray we are teaching him daily how to be a gentleman, a friend, and most importantly how to love Jesus.  We realize what a precious gift we have in him, and thank God every day for that privilege.

 

 1.  Celebrating 10 Years of Marriage

              It really is true, time flies when you’re having fun!  When I married him 10 years ago, (A) promised me there would never be a dull moment- and he has held true to that promise!  We laugh a lot, we push each other to be our best, we have clung to each other through very tough days, cheered each other to victories, and we have taken care of each other in illness.  We are a ministry team, a parenting team, and best friends.  In April we celebrated our anniversary, but more importantly, every day I am thankful to God for what we have together through him and what He has brought (A) and I through together. 

I hope the New Year brought you a chance to count your blessings from our Father who does not change in His love for us, and I pray that 2018 brings you many more of God’s good gifts!!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17 (NIV)

Happy New Year!!

Joyful Exhaustion

I sit writing by the light of the tree “the morning after.”  Gifts unwrapped, new toys scattered all over my living room, the lingering smell of barbecued brisket in the air, my belly still too full from dinner the night before… and still totally exhausted. 

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege to visit with a sweet friend who is expecting their first little miracle this coming spring.  She mentioned that she is a little nervous because everyone keeps telling her how she better sleep now, because once the baby arrives she will be exhausted for the rest of her life.  I told her that in my opinion, yes, parenting is exhausting, BUT it is like the kind of exhaustion you feel on Christmas night- your body is totally wiped out from all the excitement, preparation, and running around, but your heart is FULL.  And I can say, after another Christmas Day, I still feel the same way.  I would also add in the exhaustion of the unmet expectations as well. 

I was so excited yesterday morning that I could hardly stand it.  Santa had arrived and left some things I couldn’t wait for (a) to discover.  I was thankful that Santa had a helper who was willing to share some “pre-loved” toys, and because of that there were a couple big items waiting that I just knew he was going to LOVE and go crazy for.  I was tired from staying up late on Christmas Eve preparing, but I was excited and got up early in anticipation of what the day was going to bring.  However, when (a) started to stir and I ran to get him up, I discovered it was one of those mornings where he had wet the bed and we were going to have to start the day with a bath.  A grumpy bath none the less.  After the grumpy bath (A) put him in his Christmas jammies as I asked (ok, begged) so he would look super cute for pictures.  I thought we would start over fresh, got out the video camera and asked if he would like to come to the living room to see what Santa brought, to which he told me “NO!!”  Ouch… momma crushed.  He grumped around for nearly half an hour before he was willing to leave his room and come to see what was under the tree.  Thankfully when he arrived he was just as excited as I had hoped when he found his gifts.  We played for a couple hours and I decided it was time to run through the shower to get ready before some family arrived for more festivities.  As I got ready to jump in the shower I discovered my husband never even found or recognized a small, but romantic and thoughtful gift I had put together for him… again, a little crushed.  I got out of the shower only to realize I had no clean clothes that I felt suited the day AND (a) was yelling at (A) from his bedroom… never a good sign.  He had one of those (thankfully rare) explosive diapers… in his Christmas jammies… and I hadn’t even gotten any pictures yet.  Momma crushed a little more.  I was also a little panicked because the morning delay had me a little behind on the timeline of my food preparation.  By the time my parents arrived, I was still in my bathrobe (because I had started my laundry) crying because I felt like none of the day was living up to these high idealistic expectations I had of what Christmas Day with a toddler was going to be like. My mom gently reminded me of a “historic moment” in my childhood which was caught on camera where I did not live up to the excitement expectations, and she told me she had been there, it would get better. 

And she was right.  After two loads of laundry and a good solid nap for (a), I was dressed in something I wanted to wear, he was dressed in something I deemed fun for pictures, all the guests had arrived, his nap had allowed me time for food prep, mom’s help sped along the process, and we were able to enjoy the day I had “planned.” 

When the evening ended and everyone left, I collapsed on the couch and my guys took to the recliner.  I was exhausted physically, but my heart was filled with joy.  We’d had a day filled with love, and laughter, and family. I’d eaten far more food that I should have, I’d watched my son cackle with joy, ohh and ahh in discovery, love on the people who are part of “his village,” try to pull some typical ornery stunts, and most importantly tell us that he knows who Baby Jesus is and that he was born “in barn, with cows!” (“With cows” is an important detail to my little cow-man-in-training haha, he always makes sure to add that part.) 

It’s true.  Parenting is like reliving Christmas every day.  Joyful exhaustion, a body tired, but a heart full, a twinge of heartache over the unmet expectations, but the reality that it is all going to be alright. 

I sincerely hope your family had a blessed Christmas!  And now we get to do it over again 2 more times with out-of-state siblings… maybe I still will manage to sneak in the “Christmas Day family photo of the three of us” that slipped through the grasp of my expectations… 😉

Christmas Through the Eyes of...

Over the years I have collected several different Christmas decorations, but one of my favorites by far is a piece I added last year… our “Little People” Nativity set.  It has been a fun way to see Christmas through the eyes of a child.  I love watching (a) play with all the different nativity characters.  He will hug baby Jesus (he has also tried to eat him on occasion), he will show you all the animals one by one, and he LOVES the fact that the stable plays “Away in a Manger.”  There is an angel who is supposed to stand on top of the stable and be the “singer” of the song.  But for some reason (a) is obsessed with changing out who is standing on top of the stable, I have laughed and commented to (A) so many times about how frequently it changes that I started documenting it with some pictures last week.  Often there is a Magi holding his gift as he stands atop the stable, other times it is one of the donkeys or the cow (who also resembles a deer), sometimes it is the sheep, I have seen Mary up there, and once even Baby Jesus himself was the stable topper.  I have not figured out if (a) has a reasoning behind changing the characters out, or if it is just the fun of the playtime.  Either way, I love watching it and always get a giggle out of who is one top when I walk by. 

It does make me think though, the perspective of the Christmas story really changes based on whose eyes you are looking through.  Based on the picture from the box, the angel is who is supposed to stand on the top of the stable, the angels where the messengers who got to share the “good news, of great joy.”  I can’t even imagine that excitement! I remember how we felt the day (a) was born when we were able to share the much-anticipated news that he had arrived.  There was so much joy it was nearly overwhelming, and while I know all his grandparents felt like they had waited thousands of years for a baby, it was really only a 9 year wait.  But Jesus…. Literally THOUSANDS of years mankind had waited for the birth of the Messiah.  Getting to share the much-anticipated news that he had arrived must have been incredible. 

And then there were the shepherds.  I’m sure being a shepherd wasn’t the most noble of professions in those days.  They lived in the fields keeping watch over the sheep, probably smelling somewhat like the sheep, and were probably some of the least likely people to receive the news first.  But through their eyes, I can’t even imagine the love, awe, and wonder they must have felt.  Over the years as our friends have had children, I have always counted it as such a precious honor to get a call or text sharing the news of the new baby before it is “Facebook official” or public common knowledge.  I don’t know why, but it always makes me feel extra loved to “make the cut” of those who receive a personal announcement from the happy family.  Knowing how I feel, I can only guess what it must have been like to receive the personal announcement that the Savior had been born.  Not only the personal announcement, but the personal invitation to come visit the newborn king, and the invitation to a personal relationship “for unto YOU is born this day, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:11)  What love! What joy! Not only were they the first to know, but to know even as lowly as they were, his birth was FOR them. 

Even the animals… the Bible doesn’t tell us that any animals were witness to His arrival, but since Mary and Joseph were staying in a stable with some connection to the inn it is very reasonable to believe that there were animals of some kind present on that special night.  From my years of working with livestock I know they can be pretty perceptive, and I can’t help but wonder if even those animals could feel the awe and wonder of what had just transpired- the King of Heaven had just come down to earth.    

And then there is Mary.  Luke 2:19 tells us after the shepherds left to share the news, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”  I will admit, the song “Mary Did You Know?” has always one that I really felt pretty neutral about when it comes to Christmas songs.  I never loved it, but I wouldn’t switch the station when it came on either.  Due to out of the ordinary circumstances on Sunday, (a) was sitting on my lap during church instead of doing his normal nursery routine.  I was doing whatever it took to keep him quiet so he did not disrupt the service, and “whatever it took” involved me eating the stale puffs he was insistent on feeding me as he sat astraddle my lap.  He would shove one in my mouth, grin his huge silly smile as I gave in to his antics, and then quickly stick another one up to my lips.  As he was up to this game it turned time for communion and the piano player began to play “Mary Did You Know?” and as I thought about the words to the song I had to fight back tears.  Here on my lap sat the little boy who is our world, smiling his cheesy smile, and I thought- “I truly have no idea what your life will hold.”  I pray it is full of love, and joy, and hope, laughter, and service to God and others, family, and friends, and faithfulness.  His little mind wants to figure so many things out- it makes his Boilermaker momma hope he might consider engineering at my Alma Mater someday.  His love to play ball makes (A) hope someday he will have the chance to coach him.  His love for livestock and farming makes his Aunt “Kayda” hope he wants to be raised in the barn.  All of us who love this little boy have hopes and dreams for who he will be, how wonderful his life will be, and what he will make of himself.  None of us want to see him hurting, or let down, ridiculed, or taken advantage of, disappointed or betrayed.  Yet, I know, in my heart of hearts, that since we live in this world, I will also watch some of those things happen to my son. 

The Bible does not tell us how much Mary was privy to when it came to “knowing” what was ahead for her tiny infant son.  She knew and understood that he was the Messiah- God made that part clear.  But I can’t help but wonder what all she was pondering in her heart.  Would she have ever dreamed she would watch her son perform miracles, teach the multitudes, or love the “unloveable”? Would she have ever dreamed she would watch her son be betrayed, beaten, and crucified?  As I listening to the song play and held my son tightly, I couldn’t help but think of what went through her heart as a mom, as the Christmas story unfolded through her eyes, and I couldn’t help but wonder what goes through the heart of God the father as he watches how the “Christmas story” unfolds through my eyes.  He knows how much he loved that Son he sent for me, and he sees whether or not I am grateful daily for that gift.  Mary probably didn’t know, but He knew that the Christmas story would turn out to be so much more than just that night in the stable, He knew the entire story, because He was the author of it, and my response to that story is my response to His love for me. 

I have loved experiencing Christmas through the eyes of my child this year, but I also have a greater appreciation of God’s love for me as I experience Christmas through the eyes of a parent who loves her son.  I pray I never take for granted just how much God loves me, in that He gave his son to be my savior.  What excitement!  What joy! What love! His birth was FOR me.  Through those eyes, all I can say is Glory to God in the Highest!

Merry Christmas, from my family to yours! 

Fighting Shepherds, Giggling Girls- The Off-Script Moments

Over the years, one of my most FAVORITE Christmas traditions has always been the children’s Christmas program at church.  And one of my favorite children’s Christmas novels has long been The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, because I can TOTALLY relate to the story of putting together the unforgettable yearly program with all the “off script” moments it can bring. 

As an elementary student I LOVED the hours spent preparing for the yearly event.  I can still sing some of the songs from various years, and I can still tell you who played what parts in which programs.  I also still remember the year Victoria, Jessica, and I got the giggles and couldn’t get our lines out for several minutes when we were the “three tree women” who owned a Christmas tree lot.  As an adult, that is what I love the most about the children’s program- that fact that something ALWAYS goes wrong.  I will admit, the many years I was the director of the program I was TERRIFIED of what was going to go wrong, but the humor in the mistakes is what is always most memorable.  Our last ministry began in early December of 2007 and we still did not know many of the families very well by the time the first children’s Christmas program rolled around our 2^nd or 3^rd week there.  However, a couple of the children quickly became well-known to us when Joseph and the Shepherd got in a fist fight on stage right in the middle of the program (it had something to do with one stole the other’s chair- they were both preschool/kindergarten age and are now respectful high school students haha).  Their moms were horrified, we thought it was hilarious (we weren’t parents yet)!  I remember one year my mom directed the program and had an entire company of heavenly hosts who were more interested in rolling around on the floor and playing than performing their angelic roles.  Then there was the year I was directing and a little angel in the front row stood in the middle of the program and announced she had to go to the bathroom.  This year’s performance was no exception as a young shepherd on the front row showed off some entertaining dance moves of his own original choreography complete with fancy footwork, cheesy show choir faces, and antics with his shepherd’s crook. 

The pig and the cow... that's exactly what I'm talking about!

While I feel the director’s pain of wanting the program to come off perfectly, what I love about the program is the precious imperfection- the humor in the hiccups, the memories in the mistakes.  For me, it is the perfect reminder of what that first Christmas was really about.  The joy of God’s perfect son, coming to imperfect people.  I’m sure his stable birth was probably not exactly how Mary thought his entrance would play out.  The shepherds were not the most likely “birthing center” guests for the King of Kings.  But those things are what makes the story most impactful- God didn’t send his Son in any of the ways the Jews anticipated the Messiah would arrive.  God’s plan seemed a little “off script” by human expectations, but it was the perfect way to show how much He loved us- that the Savior of the World would come to Earth in the most humble of beginnings.

Some days I look at my life and feel like things are a little “off script” from what I had planned… after all, at 17 I hoped to be on Capitol Hill by 25.  At 30, I had accomplished none of the goals I had set for my 30^th , and now, a few years beyond that, I look around and we have thrown the “script” out the window completely and we are just daily living in what God gives us.  But day by day, I am finding that is the beauty in the story… that just like the first Christmas, God’s plan (while it may seem “off script” from ours) is going to play out perfectly.  We may not know exactly what it is going to look like (as children’s Christmas program directors often find out) but we know whatever it is, it is good.  After all, He loves us enough that he sent the ultimate gift- tiny baby Jesus, Savior of the World, King of Kings. 

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

Home

Every now and then I hear someone use the phrase “Were you born in a barn!?”  And I have to giggle, because when I hear it I always think, no, but I was raised in one.  From the time I can remember I loved to tag along with my dad to the barn.  I loved to help do chores and as I grew I got myself to the barn to do chores or rinse show heifers early on summer mornings before anyone else was even up.  Some of those barns I was raised in were on my own farm, but I also did a lot of “growing up” in the cattle barn of the Boone Co Fairgrounds and Indiana State Fairgrounds.  The barn at the Orange County Fairgrounds had a corner that was “home” to the three of us girls for nearly 20 years.  And while the stay was short, a lot of “raising” happened in barns in Denver, CO, Milwaukee, WI, Tulsa, OK, Des Moines, IA, Louisville, KY, Kansas City, and many other local fairgrounds along the way.   For this girl, being in the barn felt like home.

Home… there’s just something about the very word that makes you feel all mushy inside.  The thought of going home makes you feel safe, and loved, and at peace.  Over the years I have learned something about the word home… it doesn’t have to be the place where I lay my head at night, HOME is a place that holds a piece of my heart.

Last weekend I spent some time going “home” to two of my favorite places, and it felt so great to release that sigh from deep within… home…  On Saturday, (a) and I had the chance to spend a few hours at the State Fairgrounds for a large cattle show that my family has been involved with for 20 years.  Walking in to that barn the feeling hit me… home.  SO many memories have been made for me in that barn- tears of joy and defeat have been shed there, laughter and sweat have been poured out, my sisters became my friends and my friends became like siblings.  That barn has seen me in some of my greatest moments of victory, and most embarrassing moments of humility, and I have seen it completely empty and quiet, and I have seen it packed to the gills with people and cattle and equipment.  But no matter what, after all these years and numerous events, it feels like home.  Walking in after what had been a hectic week, I felt my shoulders release some stress, my heart did a little pitter-patter, and that comfortable deep breath feeling of HOME filled my body. 

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday evenings (A) and I had the privilege to attend the Christmas fundraising dinners at Hilltop Christian Camp.  Hilltop has been our camp home for the last 10 years.  We have made friends there who will be life-long ministry partners, and we have worked side by side with people who meant the world to us.  Camp is the place where (A) and I have spent countless hours working as a ministry TEAM at our best, and we have learned how to be a better team together when we were NOT our best there.  We have poured our hearts for Jesus into more children/teens there than we will ever remember.  We have watched many of those campers grow into amazing Christian adults, and we have watched some of them disappoint us.  We have laughed there, and cried there, made hilarious memories and heart-warming ones, sweated our lights out in stifling heat, and chattered our teeth in bitter cold.   We have watched God move in powerful ways in the lives of others and in our own.  We have showed up there on moments of nothing but faith (especially the year we came in to set up a week of camp on faith that running water would be restored after a weekend without due to storms- and within hours of arrival that is exactly what happened!), and other times we have felt so prepared we were just giddy with excitement.  If I tried to tell you every good memory we have of camp I would spend days, and if I told you every way we saw God work in our lives there I would take years.  No matter what event we pull in that driveway for- I get that feeling…. my shoulders relax, I take a deep breath, my heart pitter-patters… I’m HOME. 

Going, home to those places has been a little harder for me lately though, because due to the uncertain nature of our family’s future plans, I don’t know how much longer geography will allow me to frequent those “homes” in my life (or even the house my family has made our home).  Pulling away from camp all three nights brought tears to my eyes as I thought, how often will I get to come “home.”  Leaving the fairgrounds (even after a flat tire incident) I wondered, how long will this place be just an hour or two drive away?  I have no answers to those questions, but God reminded me of this- home is not just a physical place, it is the people you share it with, and the way HE moves in your life there. 

God also reminded me “For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.” Hebrews 13:14 (NLT).  It was a reminder that uncertainty here is temporary, because my true “homing beacon” is set on Heaven.  The way I use my home on Earth to minister to others matters, because it is preparing me for the home yet to come.  And if the day comes as we move forward, that I feel scared or unsure because I don’t feel at home- that is only temporary too- because none of these “homes” here on Earth will last me forever.   While I am here, I will make new homes as I share them with people I love and watch Him move in our lives- and I will store up my treasures for a permanent home He is preparing for me someday.  Wow- what a feeling that will be! Shoulders relax, deep breath of Heaven sigh, pitter patter in my heart… HOME.