Watching

 There is a sign that hangs on the side of the arena where (a) participates in jr rodeo reminding everyone that sportsmanship matters, because younger contestants are watching.  I snapped a picture of it when we were there last weekend.  I really like the reminder, because I am the mom of one of those little guys who is watching.  I’m thankful that he has made friends with some other REALLY great kids around that arena.  Some of them are his age, but a few of them are older than him, and it makes him feel pretty special to get to hang out with his big kid friends.  They have been helping him practice his roping in the weeks between rodeos and he is excited to watch them compete in their own events and he loves to cheer for them from the stands.  He even told me the other day about all the events he wants to do as he gets older because they are the ones that one friend in particular does.  He is watching, and wants to be like that too.

But the sign doesn’t only hang for older contestants, it is a reminder to parents too.  Our sportsmanship, encouragement of others, the way we talk to and about the kids- it matters also, because they are watching.  I’m so thankful that we have had a great experience with other parents encouraging and cheering for (a) and the friends he has gotten to know- and we try to do the same for his friends.  At the end of the day, these competitions are really about learning, growing, gaining confidence, working hard, and building relationships. 

 

It’s not only true around the rodeo arena however, I have been reminded in the last couple weeks that they are watching my every move. (b) is still learning to talk, but his actions show how much he is constantly watching- from the way he throws the burp cloth over his shoulder when he wants to hold his sister, to the way he attempts to cinch a saddle on a hay bale- he is watching and mimicking my every move.   I’ve had a few particularly rough days lately- nothing Earth shattering, but still very frustrating to the point of tears.  One afternoon I called (A) crying as I had just gotten some extremely stressful news.  I was pouring out all my frustrations too him about that situation and a few others and didn’t realize that (a) was standing close enough to listen to my side of the conversation and see me crying.  When I got off the phone he very hesitantly announced that there was something he needed to tell me about a mess he accidently made but he added, “but mama, I really don’t want to tell you this because it is going to make you cry again.”  I felt terrible.  I didn’t want him to think he couldn’t bring his problems to me simply because I was having a very stressful day.  I quickly assured him that, though it was a major mess to deal with, it was not his fault, just an accident and I was not going to cry over that.  I felt about an inch tall.

 

I still have a long way to go in learning how to juggle the balance of allowing them to see me as a fallible human who experiences real emotions and seeing me as the mom who is their protector and barrier from all those and therefore needs to hide some of her emotions.  And I’m sure that will forever be a learning process as a parent.  Because they will ALWAYS be watching.

 

“In everything set them an example by doing what is good.  In your teaching show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned” Titus 2:7

Living Their Best Life

Life with small children is never boring- especially when you are convinced you might have the most mischievous two-year-old on the planet.   Summer days allow for lots of adventures around here, some that are a blast, others I regret allowing from time to time.  I tend to be somewhat of an “old school” mom- I don’t allow a lot of screen time/TV time and instead we are outside quite a bit. 

 

Over the last five years of parenting I have REALLY tried to embrace the dirt and messes that come with adventure.  Sometimes that is REALLY hard for me.  I would like for my house to be clean, instead it is usually a total disaster area.  I would like for my body to stop aching, but that isn’t going to happen while I am hauling the kids around.  I like order and organization and peace, and there is VERY little of that in our life right now.  But in the last few weeks, I have tried SO hard to let go of some of that control and embrace letting them “live their best lives” as kids.  And here is what I have observed… mud puddle playing until every inch of (b) was soaked and his pants were falling down.  Hair spray paint that doesn’t wash out on the first try.  Screams of joy as they ran through the sprinkler.  Smiles and giggles from floor play with (lk).  Gator rides, scooter whizzing, and roping practice.  Huge imaginations creating situations that have to be solved.  Animals being fed and cared for and loved on.  Hilarious conversations I never want to forget and 5,793 questions per day.   Amazement as crop duster planes fly close overhead, and a million sticky summer snacks of popsicles and drinks being consumed.  

 

Do I always handle these adventures and escapades well? NOPE! Don’t ask my boys about my reaction to the bottle of sunscreen entirely squeezed out on my bedroom carpet, or the tub water all over the floor that is leaking through and ruining the ceiling tiles in our basement.  But I’m discovering when I let go of a lot of my control, I get to experience a lot of wonder and creativity, fun and giggles, learning and responsibility developing. 

 

It makes me wonder what else I would observe if I could learn to let go of some of my control in other areas of my life.  Could I experience relationships more fully if I let my guard down? Could I find more joy in some areas if I could relinquish my need for perfection?  Would I notice more little things if I wasn’t so focused on the “to do” list and schedule?  While I have no plans on giving up hard work or striving to do my best at all things I do- there are levels of control that I could definitely learn to release. 

 

As my Sunday School class discussed this issue last week, I found myself admitting that I often fail to submit to God’s plan because I battle such tendency to want to be in control of my life and situations.  Sometimes this has led to hard lessons or outcomes that could have gone much differently or less stressfully.  Learning to let go of my control over dirt and messes and order is allow my kids to “live their best life”.  And I have a feeling that remembering to let go of my control and handing it over to God would often allow me to live my “best life” too. 

 

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10 

Number 2 is TWO

 This morning we woke up to a two-year-old boy.  I will never understand how time passes so quickly.  His birth story was so chaotic and so much like a storyline from a sitcom, that I still can’t believe two years have passed since that day. 

 

At first I was nervous about our decision to have a third child, because I was concerned that (b) might get lost in the shuffle as the middle child.  But long before (lk) arrived he made it very clear there was NO CHANCE he would ever get lost in a shuffle.  He is the comedian of our crew, and brings the ornery to our house.  He is a thinker and a planner, and often uses that plan to make others laugh.  His smile and laughter are infectious, and he has a sound effect for nearly every action he does throughout the day.  He wants to be like his big brother, but he is also very much his own person.  He adores his baby sister and showers her with kisses, while also antagonizing her by stealing her pacifier from her mouth multiple times a day.  He loves all things to do with “horshes”, cows, and tractors. He will sit for an hour watching westerns where cows and horses might be spotted, but has zero interest in cartoons that most kids his age like. 

 

Learning to parent a “middle child” has been as much as a learning curve as taking care of a new baby.  I have learned to be on the lookout for his twinkling side eye, as it is always a dead giveaway that he is plotting mischief.  He has figured out that while I feed his sister there is nothing I can do to stop said mischief- so that is when he turns it up to 10 (usually chasing big brother with a toilet plunger, or sucking on the baby’s paci).  I’m learning these are his way of telling me he needs my attention, or reminding me that he is not going to let himself be forgotten. 

 

He is fearless to the point that I am terrified for his safety all the time, but beneath that tough exterior he is tenderhearted and loves others.  He makes sure to say “hi” and “bye” to everyone he sees in every public setting, and is known at daycare for his “attacking hugs” which are full of love but way too rough. 

 

He is too funny to take in a serious setting, and too busy to turn your head for a moment.  He makes too many messes for me to clean up in a day, but is too sweet to stay mad at for very long.  He is too fast for me to chase when he has something he isn’t supposed to, and too sweet of a snuggler to let go of first thing in the morning.  He is too curious for his own good, and at the same time too smart to squelch that curiosity.  And today he is TWO.

 

We are so very thankful for you, (b)! And we pray you will always use that big personality to point others to Jesus.  Happy Birthday sweet, silly boy!

 

“Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward.” Psalms 127:3