In the Process

On Saturday, I am going to do something I never ever, ever, ever, EVER thought I would say... I am going to run a 5K.  To some of you that may sound hilarious... because you know me and you how know incredibly nonathletic I am (and overweight, and out of shape).  To others it sounds hilarious because you are serious runners who do a 5K almost daily, so my quest to finish my first one sounds like peanuts.  Many others of you are thinking "No way, girl! You should have your head examined!"  But it's, true- it's what my family and I are planning to do.  

Originally, I didn't plan on sharing this with you until after the race when I had some great and wonderful story to tell about the race itself and how I achieved all my goals and had some glorious finish. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that is not the story God wants me to share.  Whatever happens Saturday is not what this is about.  It is about what has happened during the training process.  

In March, there was a video shown at our church advertising the "Run for God" program that was starting up in our community.  The basis of it is a 12-week Bible study combined with a 12-week training program culminating in a 5K race.  I will admit, as soon as I watched the video during our announcement time there was a little tiny voice in me that said "You totally should do that!" but then my common sense kicked in and I about laughed out loud at myself for even considering it.  But as the next few days passed I couldn't shake the thought of it.  And so I convinced (A) that we should sign up.

Four goals kept running through my mind:

1.  I wanted to lose 15 lbs.

2.  This would be a Bible study where we could actually just be there to blend in and be anonymous, neither A or I would be in charge of anything.

3.  The training would be a great way to specifically carve out some much needed family time in our lives.

4.  If I was going to do this I was going to RUN it- the "walk it" option did not seem like any kind of a challenge to me.  

The study and training began the first week of April. I will admit, I didn't even know how out of shape I was in the beginning.  We were using a 12-week training app on my phone that was supposed to take you from couch potato to race ready.  At first the longest stretches of running were for 1 minute.  Seriously... those one minute stints felt like the longest minutes of my life. There was LOTS of huffing, and puffing, and sweating, and fat jiggling and flopping... and oh- I forgot to mention where we were training. The city park. The city park where EVERY child in our entire community comes to play soccer and baseball.  The city park where every child in our entire community brings EVERY family member, friend, and neighbor to watch them play their games.  Now none of this would be too big of a deal if we were fairly anonymous people in our community.... but apparently while running in the city park we draw attention like we were Brad & Angelina.  See in my 9-year teaching career I have held a few different roles that have equated to a couple thousand former students... apparently all of which manage to remember my name when I am sweating and huffing and puffing and jiggling my way around the city park.  My husband serves as the senior minister at our church, but more famously as the "Bible teacher" in our church's preschool- which equates to a couple hundred children over the past few years, again all of who seem to notice him at the park.  I was horrified that as my hot-mess-express was just trying to stay alive and upright, zillions of children were yelling our names and waving, of course drawing the attention of their parents, friends, and fellow spectators.  Night two of training I quickly announced we would have to find someplace else to run, I could NOT handle the embarrassment of these kids seeing me "like this."  Then I was humbly questioned… seeing me “like what?” Like out with my family, spending time together, doing something good for our health….? And as students at school starting stopping me in the hall to tell me they saw me at the park with my husband and my little boy (who they mention is cute 😊) I realized THAT is what they saw.  They didn’t notice that my form is bad and my fat is jiggling and I’m sweaty and out of breath.  They saw me with my family. 

How often in our faith do we get so concerned with our self-absorbed nature that we totally miss the message that God wants to share through our life?  The whole point of the program “Run for God” was to shine for Him through running, and here I wanted to go and hide because I was embarrassed about my self-image. But that was exactly the problem, I was worried about my SELF-image, not the image of God that should be showing through me.  So after being knocked on my butt by that realization we have continued to run at the park in front of all our little fans who see their teacher and/or Bible teacher joyfully spending some family time together in the process of becoming a healthier family. 

Originally, I also had the goal that we could just kind of anonymously join this Bible study and be spectators.  I was tired of us always feeling like we had a leadership responsibility and I just wanted to coast for a while.   But again, in just a couple weeks time God quickly reminded me that that was not how He intended for us to live out our faith- as anonymous spectators.  He calls us to actively be in community with other believers.  That is one very important function of the Church.  Acts 2:42-47 (NIV) tell us “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³ Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. ⁴⁴ All the believers were together and had everything in common. ⁴⁵ They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. ⁴⁶ Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” I quickly found myself enjoying getting to know people from all the different churches that are involved and wanting to actively participate in the study, and even sometimes speaking up when we had time to share.  (A) even took a turn teaching the lesson one week.  My goal to sneak in and be anonymous was a total failure, but I am so grateful for that- because in the process it led me to some new friends and mentors who share a common faith.    

As for my other two goals… well I can tell you that I have not lost 15 lbs.  I have lovingly been reminded that “muscle weighs more than fat”…. yeah, yeah, yeah.  I have given it a lot of effort, but fallen short of that one.  And the last goal, the one to RUN the entire race, that is yet to be seen.  We have worked SO hard to be ready, but I just honestly don’t know if that will happen.  The reality is- it doesn’t matter. The lessons I learned in the process have been far more valuable than whether or not my goals are reached.

 The first song I ever sang as special music in church was called “He’s Still Workin’ on Me.”  While it is a fun kids’ song, the message is so very true.  I’m still just a work in progress, and I have so much to learn in the process of what He is turning me into.  The good news is, if we allow HIM to work in us, He promises that one day, when we join Him in heaven, it will be complete. 

         

“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

 

We just have to trust Him, and pay attention to what He is teaching us… in the process. 

  

Get Real

In this life, I have often heard the phrase "Fake it 'til you make it!" And while there is something to be said about having confidence before you perfect something, I have always struggled with that phrase.  Because quite honestly, I don't want to be fake.  I want to be REAL.  Genuine. Authentic. Truthful.  If you know me, you know the REAL me....

Sometimes I am real late.

Often I am real loud.

My house is not always real clean.

There is probably a real stain on my shirt.

I don't usually deal with stress real well.

I really love to eat, read, sing, walk around in my bare feet, and turn my music up real loud.

I have a real hard time doing anything athletic.

I will usually give you my real opinion if you ask for it (and sometimes even if you don't).

My real expression is usually written all over my face.

I have a real self-esteem issue with how I look.

My passion for hard work is real and I really love the smell of the livestock barn, my baby boy's clean laundry, fresh cut hay, a box of brand new crayons, and steak cooking on the grill.

I really don't know how we juggle all the things in our life, we just make it happen... and because of that sometimes the real me is a little chaotic and not real well put together.

What I have found in this life is that most of us are terrified of the real person deep inside, and even more frightening is the thought of someone else finding out about that real person.  Our deepest doubts, fears, insecurities, short falls, and worries tend to be our greatest enemies, so we hide behind a facade.  In doing so, we often wander through life telling people we are "Fine," "Great," or "Happy" when really we are lost, broken, and scared.  And in being lost, broken, or scared we are afraid to step out and be who God is truly calling us to be.  We don't want to think about what someone else might think of us if we take a risk and step out on faith.  We don't want people to think we are getting "above our raising" or that we are crazy.  So.... we fake it.  We close our ears to the sound of the calling and convince ourselves that we should just settle for life the way it is.  

I have decided I don't want to settle any longer.  I want to be REAL... and so I introduce you to "Life Out Loud."  I have felt strongly called to Women's Ministry for several years now, and while I LOVE the occasional speaking engagements and retreats I am able to be a part of, I have felt for some time that God was calling me to something more. I have felt God calling me to share the real things He puts on my heart- and honestly sometimes that is terrifying!  Some of ya'll may read this, decide I'm crazy and move on.  Some may think I'm a terrible mother, a crazy teacher, or incapable of my role as a minister's wife.  And that is fine- you are totally entitled to that opinion.  But my new blog adventure is going to give you a peak into my real world, and my fervent prayer is that it will provide encouragement to those who read it.  Encouragement to follow God's calling, to live according to His purpose on your life, to be real with those around you, and to trust His love on the days when you fall short.  

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, 7 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

8 Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, 9 who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began"

                               2 Timothy 1:6-9 (English Standard Version)