What I Always Prayed For

 Last Saturday, I looked around and realized I was shopping in Stuff*mart on the Saturday before Thanksgiving.  The day when they are out of nearly everything and the place is busy with everyone making their Thanksgiving preparations.  Our Thanksgiving travel plans had taken a drastic change that meant we would be home instead of on the road for the holiday, and I wanted to make the best of it by doing some fun things and decorating for Christmas.  And not only was I shopping, I had the whole family in tow.  (a) was excited to pick out a tree for his bedroom, (b) was just excited to see all the Christmas decorations, and (A) was crazy enough to suggest to them that they could choose a new singing/dancing Christmas character to add to our collection of noise under the tree.  After a few minutes we had a tree chosen, it was not pre-lit so he also got to choose some lights to add to it, and I had one VERY excited 4-year-old.  A few more minutes later there was a new (quite noisy) dancing, saxophone playing Rudolph added to the cart- as well as a singing Santa nightlight that they had also managed to talk their Daddy into.  The Christmas end of the store wasn’t terribly busy, but next I needed to head to the grocery side just to grab a few quick things.  It was far more crazy on that side of the store, so (A) and the boys decided to hang out off to the side of a clothing aisle just close enough to see the display of Christmas cooking making supplies while I quickly grabbed the handful of items I needed.  I was looking for a few things we needed to make these fun turkey cookies I remembered my mom helping us with as little girls.  I was also looking for some Christmas sprinkles and such for upcoming projects. 

By the time I returned to the spot where I had left my family, they were gone, and of course (A) had forgotten his phone at home.  I spent nearly 10 minutes wandering the store looking for them when I heard (a) yell “Mama!”  That call was followed by the sound of Rudolph’s saxophone playing and the singing light up Santa.  (A) looked like he was a little worse for wear as the boys beamed with mischief all over their faces.  Apparently (a) had taken the opportunity to add 73 additional things to his Christmas list and (b) was trying to escape the cart to excitedly run through the aisles of the store.  Without even saying anything we were in agreement that we were ready to checkout and get out of there.  But as a looked at those two excited, ornery faces, and a cart full of Christmas and project preparations, I couldn’t help but tear up right there in the Stuff*Mart.  I looked at (A) and over the sound of Rudolph’s saxophone playing, Santa’s singing, and (a) making one more request for a toy he saw, I smiled and said, “You know, this is what we always prayed for!”

 

One night this week (b) was particularly “busy” and crazy, aka INTO EVERYTHING.  I had made a mostly-failed attempt at our Christmas card pictures, until our little loves rebelled and we emerged from my setup at the basement tree with me feeling slightly defeated.   (a) was SO excited about decorating for Christmas that he had us hopping in 4 directions around the house, (A) was trying to get laundry caught up, I was preparing supper and supervising the decorating, and we were both feeling slightly frazzled.   (A) passed through the living room after taking (b)’s favorite plunger from him once again while (b) chased him yelling in toddler gibberish and wielding a nerf sword that is twice as tall as he is.  As he looked at me, I couldn’t help but giggle as he verbally repeated over and over, “This is what we prayed for.  This is what we prayed for.”

 But it is true.  Amid the crazy, the busy, the chaos, the messes, and the noise.  This is what we always prayed for.  A home full of healthy, active children that we could love and lead.  Even as a young girl working in the kitchen with my mom, I dreamed of the days I would make turkey cookies, and Christmas projects with my own kids.  I have LOVED Christmas my whole life and dreamed of the days I would share the joy of decorating with kids who would be as excited about the season as I always am.

 Some days are HARD, some are exhausting, some are so noisy I want to scream, some take every ounce of my patience, but every one of them leaves me feeling completely, overwhelmingly GRATEFUL.  I will give thanks to the Lord in all things- the messy, the noisy, the exhausting, the hard, the giggles, the sticky hugs, the dimple faced grins, the dirty laundry, the spilled water, the holiday projects, the cooking lessons, the pony riding, the muddy footprints…. because in the middle of it all… we are living in the days I always prayed for.

 

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours!! Amid a year that has been SO hard… there is MUCH to be thankful for.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

In the Middle of the Mess

Our sweet (b) is currently in a stage of professional mess making. It really doesn’t matter what you think you have given him in terms of tidiness or things to keep him occupied- he will find a way to make a huge mess in about 3 seconds flat. Sometimes it happens when we turn our heads, other times he is just so fast it happens right before your eyes. Some of his favorite victims are my cabinets (cause those two boys have already rigged the locks we put on them), drawers full of freshly folded clothes, and many kinds of food. He is also a magnet for mud, pony manure, and crunchy leaves. On Sunday evening, (A) had to go to church to livestream his Bible study lesson and (a) announced he wanted “the boys and Mama” to watch a Christmas movie. He also asked specifically for popcorn during the movie. They both love popcorn, so I didn’t mind at all to fix them each a bowl. What I didn’t plan on though, was how many times I would have the broom out during the course of the movie. I promise Mama’s no dummy, but that kid is FAST!! And if I’m being honest, I think more popcorn was consumed off the floor than from his bowl. Before I started sweeping for the third time, I decided I would snap his picture. In the middle of the mess, he was so very happy and unphased by the disaster he had created. As soon as he realized I had my phone out, he started his ornery grin and announcing “cheese.” There really is good stuff sometimes in the middle of a mess.

 Last weekend, we were supposed to have taken a short trip to visit some family, but some illness cancelled our plans at the very last minute. Friday evening I was so bummed. We rented a movie (side note- we really don’t watch movies every night haha, but a LOT has been cancelled lately, the weather is getting cold, and it gets dark here by 5:00, so our family fun options are becoming limited!) (A) lit a beautiful fire in the basement fireplace to help lift my spirits, and (a) decided he would set up their little chairs in his own movie theater style. As I sat on the couch feeling sorry for myself and the plans I had been looking forward to for weeks, I couldn’t help but notice how cute the boys were in the little set-up they had created themselves. Happy to be having “family night” all together. In the middle of what I just saw as a big mess, there really was some good stuff. 

 God has gently been reminding me, that sometimes there is purpose in mess. Though we may not see it at the time, there is “good stuff” there or He is using it to His glory. Over the past couple months, I have had the opportunity to share, in a few different formats, the story of two of the biggest “messes” our family has walked through. At the time they were so incredibly painful and I couldn’t always see the purpose in them or the reason why they were happening. I just saw a great big, painful mess. Though I wasn’t always sure why, God made it clear to me on the other side that I needed to share those stories with others. In doing that, I have received some very precious notes and a few conversations that have moved me deeply. Some were from people I dearly love, and one was a total stranger who happened to be at my speaking engagement. But they all shared how much they needed to hear that story or how touched they were by it, how much it meant in the middle of a mess they were living through to see that God has a plan to bring you through. In the middle of what I saw as just a painful mess, God was making some good stuff for me to share later. 

 While the next several weeks look uncertain in our area, and probably yours to, I’m sure I am going to look around sometimes and see mess. Christmas is not going to look the same as usual, it’s likely school will soon look even more different than it does now, there may be some hard days ahead of us. I’m pretty sure that to me, some days it will look like a big mess. But I’m going to keep looking harder, because I just know in the middle of that mess, there WILL be some good stuff.

 “and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61: 3

Preparing

 Yesterday, (A) and I were fortunate to have a rare day together for just the two of us.  We were both off work for Veteran’s Day (THANK YOU veterans for your service and sacrifice, we are so very thankful for you!) and since it was midweek the boys were still able to go to daycare.  When we discovered a few weeks ago that we were going to get to spend the day together, I was so excited that a million possibilities swirled through my mind of what we might do.  In a way it was tempting to want to catch up on some rest in a quiet house, I thought about fun places we could go for the day, but when it came down to it, we decided what we really needed was a day of preparation for upcoming events in the next few months.

 

It is very rare that we have the chance to do any Christmas shopping together, so though part of me felt like it was early, we went ahead and took care of the boys’ stockings (while my favorite store with a “dollar spot” was still well stocked with Christmas goodies).  Since (a) is at an age where he notices commercials, and consequently asks for EVERYTHING he sees on those commercials, we strolled the toy aisles of a couple stores together looking at the many things on (a)’s list to consider possibilities, compare prices, and rule out several totally impractical requests.  We also tried to prepare our minds and find some options for what on earth to get (b) who is beyond thrilled with an empty box and a full sippy cup.  As we shopped, I just kept commenting that I couldn’t believe that we were already preparing for Christmas.

 

Another important stop for our day was the furniture store.  While we are still months away from the arrival of baby #3, we are trying to prepare for what that means in terms of space.  The boys are going to move into a bedroom together so the baby can move into the nursery.  I had been doing some online shopping and found a loft/trundle bed set that matches the furniture currently in the “cowboy room”, but I wanted to see it in person.  As we considered possibilities and whether or not to order something right now, we discovered the timeline for furniture was running several weeks out, and then add on that we want the boys to have a little time to adjust to their new setup before baby… if we wanted to be prepared it was time to go ahead and order.  As we walked out of the furniture store I again mentioned, that I couldn’t believe we were already preparing for baby, it still seems so far away. 

 

As the evening went on, we got (A) on the road to Louisville in preparation for morning meetings today, the boys and I spent some time at school preparing for the next few days in my classroom and virtual classroom, and (a) and I even had some extra barn help when (b) decided he wanted to help prepare the pony’s feed.  Once the boys were in bed, I found myself sneaking in bags I didn’t want them to see and finding hiding spots I HOPE to are too high up to be found.  I still just kept thinking about how crazy it seemed to already be preparing for events that are weeks and months away, but because we love our little ones, we are preparing now so that when the time comes, everything will be wonderful.

Pretty cute barn help preparing feed

 As I thought about our preparations for Christmas and a baby, it really hit me.  God loved us so much, that he spent thousands of years preparing for that first Christmas, and that perfect baby.  He was preparing for just the right point in time, just the right people to tell, just the right followers to take His message all over the world.  Preparation isn’t just work that has to be done, or a list of tasks to check off, preparation is an act of love.  And I am so thankful He loves me enough that He is still preparing for me.

 

“My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?” John 14:2

Growing Up

 For the first time ever, I had the day off for Election Day this week (something new instituted by our governor this past summer).  I took went to the polls early that morning at a few minutes after 7 to vote, and then headed to the dr for a three- hour blood glucose test.  As I sat through the long wait, I had to laugh at myself about how I would have been spending a mid-week day off school 15 or 20 years ago when I would have planned a day trip or some other adventure.  I jokingly sent a picture to a handful of social media friends about how the “adventures” of grown-up life didn’t sound so excitingly adventurous anymore.  The highlight of my day was stopping by a secondhand store that afternoon and finding an AMAZING deal on a jogging stroller in excellent condition.  Yes, being a grown-up is a whole different perspective.

The switch off of Daylight Savings Time this weekend is now bringing the dark much earlier, and some evenings we aren’t home before dark to transition Snoopy from his outside lot to his stall in the barn.  Because of this, I have been concerned that the earlier dark would keep (a) from being very helpful with his pony since he isn’t a big fan of being outside after dark (he is my mini-me after all).  One evening early in the week I got the chance to find out.  We arrived home around 5:15 and it was already quite dark.  I quickly changed out of my school clothes and told him to change to his barn boots.  Surprisingly there was no argument about the dark.  As we headed toward the barn I let him choose if he would like to clean out the stall or mix feed- I would take care of the opposite chore.  He chose stall cleaning.  As I turned on the barn lights I still had my doubts if he would really do it and do a good job once I was in the other part of the barn getting feed and he was by himself with the dark all around him.  But to my amazement, he just counted the piles before starting (it is a very weird habit he has) and got to business.  When I returned with the bucket of mixed grain I was shocked and pleased to find he was still working, and actually doing a very good job.  As we finished up chores and latched the gates for the night, I put my arm around him and asked when he grew-up on me.  He looked up and laughed and announced that he didn’t know.  I don’t either.  But watching him grow up has given me a whole different perspective. 

 As I fed them dinner that night, I was a little shocked that two little boys could put away an entire container of mac n cheese by themselves.  (Don’t judge my heat and serve container- school nights are crazy and I have to avoid carbs, so heat and serve sides are a pretty great gig on nights (A) is in meetings haha!)  While I found myself a little astonished at the amount of food they had just consumed as a side dish, I couldn’t get over how grown up they seemed.  While I still think of (b) as my baby, his bottles and baby food making supplies have long been put away, he feeds himself with a spoon (ok, not very well, but he at least digs around at the food with a spoon and uses it to shove the food up onto his hand), and clearly communicates when he wants a second, third, and fourth helping of mac n cheese.  Whether I want to admit it or not, he is growing up.  And parenting as they grow up is giving me a whole different perspective. 

 Every stage of life is a new perspective- whether finding excitement at voting and second-hand deals, or finding myself baffled at the responsibility level and appetite of my little boys.  Growing up can be bittersweet, but I choose the sweet.  Finding the blessings in what life has brought me with age, and the joy of watching them grow and develop into who God is making them to be- it is all a part of growing up.

 

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” 1 Corinthians 13:11