Chicken or Pig

Many times, I have heard the story of the farm animals trying to decide what kind of favor they could do for their beloved farmer.  They had the idea of fixing him a wonderful breakfast- the chicken suggested bacon and eggs; to which the pig replied, “for you that’s a contribution, for me that’s total commitment!”  It of course is a funny little story, but comes with such a heavy thought… am I looking at a contribution or a total commitment? 

On Sunday, our minister began his message with the question “How far are you willing to follow Jesus?”  It was a question that hit me very heavily.  I have always said I trust in Jesus, and that I am willing to do what He asks of me… but for the most part that has never been tested.  It is easy to say I am willing to follow Him when all it takes is a contribution- when I could write a check for the situation.  It is easy to say I am willing to follow Him when it only requires me to contribute a few extra hours of my time.  It is easy to say “I trust you” when it is just about the details coming together for an event.  It is easy to say “I trust you” when it is a very small step out of my comfort zone.  But I will admit, the past few months it has been much harder to say “I am willing to follow You, Jesus.”  It is harder to say “I am willing to follow You, Jesus” when it requires full commitment… when it might mean uprooting your life, when it might mean moving away from your family, leaving your friends, giving up the home where you began your family, surrendering a job you love, and completely starting over.  While our family’s future is still totally uncertain, all of those are very real possibilities, and to be completely honest, I have had a hard time wrestling with it.

I have often been amazed by those who surrender it all, say “I will follow You, Jesus” and head to the mission field.  I have always admired that courage, but admitted that I wasn’t sure I could do it.  It takes much more faith to make a commitment like that, than just the piddly little contributions I have made throughout my life.  And I realize how fortunate I am- I know many of you who are reading have had to say “I trust you, Jesus” with a scary, uncertain situation such as your health, your family, your marriage, your life- all things far bigger than what I am wrestling. 

After church, (A) and I were discussing the sermon over lunch, and I admitted that I’m ashamed to say I think in Jesus’s day I might have been more like some of the followers who turned away, or even one of the Pharisees- because I am SUCH a rule-follower and I have a hard time accepting change, especially if it goes against the rules I have learned (if my sisters are reading this today they are eye-rolling and laughing because they know how very true those words are).  They couldn’t handle following Jesus because they couldn’t give up “the way things have always been” or the teachings that seemed to contrast some of the rules they had always followed.  I’m grateful to live in a time where I have the “whole story” through the Bible and can get a full understanding of who Jesus is and just what He meant with his teaching.  (A) on the other hand, is much more like some of the disciples.  He is brave enough to step out of his comfort zone to follow the calling of Jesus.  He is much less tied to sentimental/emotional things than I am.  During our lunch conversation, he even laughed and admitted he would have been like some of the fisherman who just left their father standing in the boat when Jesus called them to come follow him. (Let me just say, he did NOT mean that as a dig on his dad, just the reality that he is not sentimentally/emotionally tied to things like I am.)  But you know, I realize I need to learn to be more brave and more willing to make an all-in commitment to follow like the apostles did.

As my heart was working through all the thoughts within this lesson… “how far AM I willing to follow Jesus?, how much AM I willing to trust Him?”  my heart was given a gift.  Our service took a turn from our usual contemporary worship style to sing one of my favorite old hymns.  I love music.  I have always loved music.  I was blessed with very musical parents and raised in a very musical home church.  From the time I was a little girl, I was singing in church and soon helping with worship ministry.  And from that upbringing I can truly say, I love BOTH contemporary music and old hymns.  But I will admit, sometimes there is just something extra special to me about going back to sing one of those hymns and be reminded of the words I memorized as a little girl….

Tis so sweet, to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His word,

Just to rest upon His promise,

Just to know, “thus saith the Lord”

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him,

How I proved him o’er and o’er

Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus,

Oh for grace, to trust Him more.

And I can’t lie, it choked me up a little, it really IS sweet, to trust in Jesus.  To let those words sink in… how I proved Him over and over… so many times in my life He has showed me just how much I can trust Him.  Just in the few months of transition in our lives He has shown me how much I can trust Him….

When we weren’t sure how we would make it financially, he showed we could trust Him.  

When we didn’t know where we would worship, he showed we could trust Him. 

When we didn’t know if we would ever “belong” again, he showed we could trust Him. 

When new possibilities looked good on the outside but didn’t feel right, he showed we could trust Him.

When we didn’t know how to put one foot in front of the other, he showed we could trust Him. 

I realize, that if He has shown me over and over how much I can trust Him, that I will continue to trust Him… even with the very hard stuff… because He continues to prove just how trustworthy He is.  And Oh, for grace, to trust Him more…  I’m so grateful for His grace, a little wrestling room for my heart if you will, as I keep learning (even when it’s so hard) to trust Him more. 

No, we still do NOT know ANYTHING about what the future holds, but we know WHO holds it.  So, even on the hard days, I will say “We will follow you, Jesus.  We trust in You.”  I don’t want to be a chicken who just contributes, I want to make a commitment. 

“Come follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once, they left their nets and followed him.  Matthew 4:19-20 (NIV)