When Time Stands Still

This week we celebrated our cowboy’s 4^th birthday.  It really seems a little bit impossible that 4 years have already passed, because I still remember so many details from that day (well minus the couple hours after my medical emergency where I was in and out of consciousness… those details are a little fuzzy).  The day I gave birth to each of my children really, for me, was a day where time stood still.  Where I made a purposeful decision to soak up every detail and feeling with the hope of holding on to them forever.  As I snuggled with my four-year-old boy before bed on his birthday, I closed my eyes and let myself relive those memories.  What it was like to hold that tiny baby we had prayed for, to watch my husband stand over the bed sweetly caring for both of us, to marvel at the fact he was ours, to worry over how on Earth we were supposed to do this- there was no owner’s manual!  As I wiped away a tear of joy, I was so thankful that holding that (much bigger) boy made time stand still.

 

Apologies to the hubby, we don't have a family 4th birthday party picture yet, just one selfie I was quick enough to catch after his party on Sunday.

Yesterday marked one year since my Grandma went to meet Jesus, and ironically yesterday was also the date of her estate sale.  In preparation for the sale, there were a million pictures to go through, and we grandkids were given the opportunity to speak up if there were things from the house that we would like to have.  More than once I made the comment, that truthfully the thing I would like the most would be to have the smell of the house bottled up.  For me personally, smell evokes a very strong sense of emotion and memory.  The smell of stepping into her house makes time stand still.  I was a little bitty girl there to play while my mom ran errands.  I was a young girl popping in to visit in the middle of a summer work day.  I was a college girl home on break.  I knew Grandma would pop around the corner of the kitchen, or be sitting at her desk meticulously going through the farm books. 

The items I did end up asking for were relatively small and most would deem insignificant- a set of salt and pepper shakers, a stool, a picture of two little farm boys, a wire egg basket, and 2 plastic mugs.  They were not things of great value, but they are items that take me back to a place where time stands still, and I am spending time in their home.  They are items that are already hanging on our wall or being used in our house so I can tell my boys the stories of how I used them in my grandparents’ home.

When I think of the moments in my life where time stands still, I will admit that not all of those time were happy.  Some of the hardest, most traumatic days of my life were days where time stood still too, where I can still recount each detail of what happened and how I felt.  Those moments are ones I try not to revisit often, but every now and then a trigger brings me back.  Here is the beautiful thing about traveling back to those moments now… with the passage of time I can look back on those days and see how God worked to carry me through.  I can see how He never let go of me in each situation, and how He taught me lessons about Himself and His faithfulness as I moved forward from those hard places.  In the same way, I look at the happy days and places where time stood still and see His blessings and His grace.

Time is an amazing thing.  It marches quickly and other times drags on forever, it brings change, it heals wounds, it shows growth, and some days… it stands still.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens… He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3: 1 & 11