Letting them be Light

Well it happened… that moment you dread as a parent but has happened to most of us.  My son opened his mouth and out came a word that he did NOT hear in our home, a word that he did NOT hear on our TV, and a word that made both of his parents’ heads snap in immediate shock.  I realize from talking to other parents that at some point, it happens to almost everyone.  They are little sponges who soak up everything they hear, even from passers by in the Stuff*Mart parking lot. 

I quickly jumped all over him both scolding and explaining that there was NOTHING appropriate about that word and I never wanted to hear it out of his mouth again.  I also asked where on Earth he had heard such a word, when he dropped his eyes and told me that another child says it at daycare.  Ooooh boy.  As a teacher, I firmly believe in confidentiality, and protecting the identity of and information about students, but four-year-olds don’t understand that… and they are quick to tell you other students by name and what they did wrong.  I have heard this name several times over the last few months- usually associated by telling us about some wrongdoing.  More recently however, (a) has been asking if this child could come over to play and telling us he “wants to come to my house.”  My usual response is just that we only invite friends over if we know their parents.  This week (a) had a heartbreaking comeback for me when he went on to tell me (in his little boy version of course) that I couldn’t talk to his parents because this child lived with his grandparents due to other sad homelife details the child had shared with him.  Now I realize that children are often unaware of all the truth in a situation, and they are often so innocent that they don’t know what details they “aren’t supposed to share” with other children, but the things my little guy told me about his friend made my heart hurt.  I had been so upset at this little boy for teaching my son a bad word, when in reality there are tough things happening in that child’s life that I don’t know the details of, but I’m sure they are things he should not have to be navigating at such a young age.

After the bad word incident, I spoke with (a)’s daycare teacher.  I told her that I did not want to discuss children by names or private details, but I was very concerned that he had heard this word.  She assured me that they were working very hard to help correct the other student’s behavior and that they are trying to teach and correct while protecting the other children from learning inappropriate things, but yes unfortunately (a) had heard the other child use this word.  She then said something that stuck with me most of all… one day last week when something happened, she encouraged (a) to help show this other student the RIGHT thing to do.  She said, “I told him that he knows right from wrong, he comes from a great homelife, and he could be a friend to the other child by showing him how we should act and talk to others.” 

This pierced my heart.  I had been so upset with this other child and so frustrated at how it was affecting my own son that I could not see past “me, me, me.”  How MY child had heard a bad word, how MY child had repeated it, how MY child might be hearing homelife details that were messy.  Yet out of my same mouth (A) and I often talk about how desperately we want to raise boys that are salt and light.  We want our children to have opportunities to point others to Jesus.  We talk about how real ministry is messy, how evangelism doesn’t happen in sterile environments, and yet I was appalled that my child had seen some “messy” in another kid.  I left that conversation with the daycare teacher wiping tears from my eyes and I got in the car and called (A).  The first thing I told him was that I was done being mad at (the name (a) keeps telling us), and I was adamant that we are going to begin praying for him.  We don’t know his details, but (a) has told us enough that I know he needs our prayers.  And he needs a friend like (a).  A friend who can show him the love of Jesus.  

Don’t get me wrong, we will continue to be vigilant in guarding the hearts and minds of our boys.  We will continue to correct behaviors and discuss right from wrong and why choosing the “right” pleases God.  We will continue to closely monitor the things they are allowed to hear and see and are influenced by.  But we are also going to keep praying that they can be the salt of the Earth and shine the light of the world.  That God will use their little hearts and personalities to shine for Him into the lives of others they may encounter- whether they are 4 or 104.  I will get over myself and how I saw the “messy” affecting me, and start seeing it as an opportunity to pray for God’s intervention in those messy places… and just maybe He will use my little boy to do it.

“You are the salt of the earth.  But if they salt loses its saltiness, who can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.  You are the light of the world.  A city built on a hill cannot be hidden.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven.” Matthew 5: 13,14,16

He is so great at teaching and nurturing his brother, why wouldn't I allow him to do the same for others.