Right Before My Eyes

 Last week, we hit a new milestone in our home.  For the first time ever, we are parents of a six-year-old.  He was one very excited kid as his birthday approached!  It happened to fall on a snow day, so our family was home together and not having to move at the normal pace of chaos.  (A) and I were still in our room around 7:00 discussing how to tackle the day when he came to the door VERY concerned.  He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to get dressed, because he didn’t know if his clothes would fit anymore now that he was six.  We got a good giggle out of the moment, and reassured him that while he was growing quickly, it wasn’t quite THAT quickly and the clothes that had fit yesterday, and earlier in the week would still be just fine. 

This is how the birthday boy came rollin' in the kitchen for breakfast (all of his own doing).  He then held up the 6 fingers, asked me to take a picture, and instructed me on who I was supposed to send that picture to.  I'm not sure if we are 6 or 16.  

 A few hours later in the day, I began to look through pictures and memories of him from the past year to post on social media.  Doing that confirmed my reality that he has grown at a crazy rate of speed this past year, but it also reminded me just how much has changed in our life in 12 short months.  At his birthday last year, I was still expecting his little sister.  Then there were precious pictures of him holding the tiny newborn in the first week or two she was home from the hospital.  And now she is mobile, vocal, and able to get into everything.  She wants to play with him instead of being held and snuggled- and it has happened right before my eyes.

 

As I continued scrolling through the pictures, I shed some tears seeing my healthy, vibrant Granny from just a few short months ago, while knowing now what health challenges she faces and the toll they have taken on her.  I wanted to cry again as I saw pictures of him riding, grooming, and visiting with his sweet pony, Snoopy, who lost a health battle also, right before Christmas.  I watched (b) go from looking like a toddler, to smiling and posing like a little boy, found pictures from the first day of school, and many other milestones from the year.  It was a stark reminder of how quickly things can change, and it all happened right before my eyes.

 

365 days worth of pictures and a flood of emotions.  The reality that our children are growing and developing so quickly, and we can’t hold on to things and people we love forever.  I can’t control any of that, but what I can control are the beautiful memories we are making.  The big ones like trips together and celebrations held, and the small ones like reading books, playing “bears”, breakfast cupcakes, trick-or-treat cherry pie, and birthday dinner off paper football plates.  While my heart twinges a little at how quickly things can change, I will cherish the changes happening right before my eyes.  I know in another 365 days I will be looking back again and my heart will play through another wave of emotions that the memories bring.

 

“I thank my God every time I remember you.” Philippians 1:3

Renew

 Renew.  For the years I worked as an elementary librarian, it was a choice I heard multiple times a day.  Students, usually in the middle of a chapter book, who asked to renew for one more week so they could finish reading.  It was an option I was happy to honor as long as no one else had the book on hold or they hadn’t been hoarding it for the past 6 weeks.  However, it wasn’t exactly a word I expected to hear when I began to pray about what 2022 was going to bring.

 

The more I have thought and prayed about it though, the more fitting it seems to be.  I can’t lie, for the past few years I can’t exactly say I have been thriving, I have been stuck in much more of a survival mode.  Four years ago this month, (A) came out to a town in rural, southern Illinois for an interview at a church he was pretty excited about.  That began a year of moving and massive changes.  The next year we were barely settled and had a baby (b) and started adjusting to life as a family of 4.  That was followed by the (never-ending) pandemic where life as we knew it changed, our careers became more challenging, and we then decided to add one more sweet little (lk) to our tribe.  While I know I am incredibly blessed, I will often admit that sometimes our blessings overwhelm us.  I am mostly exhausted, burnt out, and frazzled.  And I find that after feeling that way for so long, it starts to take a toll on me.

Two of the three who wear me out and fill me up all at the same time!

 I realize there are many things I need to renew.  I have some dear relationships in my life that could use a renewal.  Passions I once thrived on have become “past memories” over the last few years, and my heart is telling me it is time for some of them to return.  I had former eating habits and exercise habits that I would love to renew.  My physical body could use some rest and renewal.  And the more I dug into my Bible the more I realized there are other ways I could renew as well…

              -renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2)

              -renew a steadfast spirit (Psalms 51:10)

              -renew my strength (Isaiah 40:31)

              -renew my life (Ruth 4:15)

And so, as 2022 begins, I’m constantly asking God to show me how He is going to renew me this year.  I will be honest, the first month of the year has already proven it’s share of challenges… making that promise of renewal even more sweet. 

The Best of 2021

 While some would be quick to kick 2021 out the door, I have to admit it sure brought some of the “good stuff” to our family.  I will admit, there were challenges- it was the most challenging year, professionally, of my career thus far, I faced a couple different scary health situations, and we found ourselves saying “goodbye” more times than I would prefer.  But it also brought some incredible blessings.  So, as I do each year… here are my favorites of 2021:

 

5.  Youth Rodeo Season 2

While (a) got a taste of youth rodeo in 2020, this year was an even more exciting adventure.  I watched him make some amazing friends and find mentors, he gained confidence and learned about perseverance, and he watched hard work pay off.  He got serious about practicing and realized that was the only way he was going to get better.  He let me find some “coaches” for him and listened to what they had to say.  He learned from older kids and loved cheering them on as he watched them compete.  This year also brought me some “rodeo mom friends” that I was seriously in need of, and allowed (a) and I a lot of special bonding time as we spent hours together at the barn roping his dummy.  We allowed (b) to compete in one event as well, and he is already preparing for summer 2022, where he has informed us he will “ride sheep!”  I always knew that some day my kids would find activities or sports they would want to be involved with, but watching it happen and all the “feels” and life lessons that come with it have been an amazing blessing to our family.

 4.  Starting Kindergarten

This past year brought a milestone- we joined the “big kid” parents’ club by sending our first child to kindergarten.  Not only is that a big step educationally and socially, I had some nerves about bringing him with me to my school.  I already knew his teacher is AMAZING, but I worried if he would want to lean on me too much since I am just across the hall or if he would be treated differently for being a “teacher’s kid.”  I should have known there was nothing to fear.  He has taken to kindergarten like a fish to water.  He LOVES learning, has made friends with nearly every student in the building, doesn’t complain about homework, and constantly looks for opportunities to extend his learning.  We are so thankful for the great start he has gotten, and while we don’t always remember to clean out his backpack each night, we feel like we are adjusting fairly well to the world of school.

 3.  2021 American Angus Convention

This fall we took our first, real, family vacation.  And while, sadly, we had to leave (b) at home because he could not wear a mask for travel or sit quietly through convention sessions, we still made some amazing memories and had some incredibly special experiences.  It was the first airplane ride (a) remembers, and the first one (lk) had ever been on, we enjoyed the historic Ft. Worth Stockyards, The Texas Cowboy Hall of Fame, the Cowgirl Hall of Fame, the NRS (National Ropers Supply) Ranch, and the guys took in the convention trade show as if it were another attraction.  It was fun to re-connect with Angus friends I hadn’t seen in a few years, and was super special to let (A) catch a glimpse of why the industry means so much to me.  He learned a lot, had a great time, and admitted he was starting to understand why I hold those people and my upbringing so very dear to my heart.  Our trip was topped off by being in the room as my dad was elected to the American Angus Association Board of Directors, and sharing in that celebration.  I had to take some personal days from school (which I RARELY ever do) for us to attend, and it was an important reminder to me that- while I am extremely committed to my job- my job is only one piece to my life, and sometimes there are things I need to prioritize over work.  That trip was a memory I believe I will hold on to forever.

2. Sibling Love

As we prepared to bring sweet #3 home to our family, I was very unsure how the dynamics would change with our children.  (a) has LOVED being a big brother to (b), so I was not worried about him.  He was very excited to meet his little sister and I knew he would be sweet and gentle with her.  (b) however, is pretty independent, cannot be bribed, and sometimes unimpressed with your efforts to do so, so I found myself wondering what he would think of the new baby.  My best guess was that he just wouldn’t be too interested.  Boy was I wrong! From the first afternoon (lk) came home, he has been completely in love with her.  He immediately was asking to hold her, always wanted to make sure she had a paci (even when she didn’t want one), and now that she is bigger he LOVES to make her laugh out loud.  The boys continue to be best friends, and together they ADORE their sister.  I know the day will come win sibling rivalry and fights will hit our house, but for now, I will soak in every minute of watching them together.  It is the sweetest thing in the whole world, and something I hold incredibly close to my heart.

 1.  Londyn Kate

Our hearts just knew there was supposed to be one more little, and she joined our family on April 19^th.  She was by far the greatest blessing of 2021.  Our sweet girl smiles non-stop, flashes her dimples, and expresses herself by sticking her tongue out for many smiles.  She loves to laugh out loud, cuddle, and by now has started crawling all over the place.  She has learned how to keep her brothers in line by pulling their hair when she needs her space, and yet knows how to soothe your soul with a smile and a snuggle.  While I REALLY thought I wanted a third boy, as always God knew best.  Having a sweet little girl has been a lot of fun for all of us, and I look forward to the days of attending women’s retreats together, going on shopping trips, and hope that she will help make sure we are taken care of when we get old.  The last few weeks before her arrival got a little tricky for my health, and were reminders of my priorities.  I had to slow down, prioritize what was important, learn to accept help, and trust God in the timing.  Our little girl brought with her lessons I still needed to learn, even in my third time around as a Mama.  We thank God for her every day.

With its ups and its downs, 2021 was still a year to be thankful for.  It was a precious reminder that “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

What DID Get Done for Christmas

 The stockings were hung, by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there! Unless St. Nick is coming to our house… cause in the hectic I never managed to finish decorating the mantles at either fireplace.  When that jolly ole elf arrives tonight, he is going to have to dig the stockings out of my Christmas tote so he can fill them. 

 

But if Santa has been watching, here is what he has seen this week.  Cookies were made, decorated, and eaten with a lot of hard work, determination, and giggles.  Christmas cards were delivered to local friends with a smile and a few even got a hug (if you aren’t local I’m just hoping it arrives in the mail before the New Year).  Christmas movies were watched with sweet snuggles all around.  The older two proudly shopped and picked out their own gifts for their siblings and each parent (and so far have managed to keep secret what they got us!)  We have viewed fantastic Christmas light displays with awe and wonder, and washed/set aside the Christmas jammies everyone is going to wear tonight.  And while the surface looks like adventures, what we have really been doing this week is making memories, sharing joy, doing things for one another out of love, and celebrating the birth of our Savior.

 

 If you ask (a) every song that comes on the radio must either be “Joy to the World” or “Go Tell it on the Mountain.” He has memorized some Christmas verses this year and is happy to share them.  He and I work a lot together on scripture memorization (my feelings on the importance of that is a whole lesson in itself), but more than just memorization we talk a lot about context.  We were working on Luke 2:12, and the second day he wanted to try it all on his own before practicing it together.  He proudly announced “This is your clue.  There is a baby in a feed bunk!”  Traditional wording, not quite. Context- pretty spot on.  As (b) decorated Christmas cookies there was a candle sitting on the counter burning to fill the house with the smell of Christmas.  Before he ate his cookie, I caught him leaning over the candle singing “Happy Birthday.” Happy Birthday, Jesus has been a favorite Christmas takeaway for him at two years old.  I think they get it. 

 

Late on the night of the 23^rd I was trying to plan a special goodbye from their elf, Elfie (the story goes that he flies back to the North Pole on Christmas Eve, so the morning of the 24^th is the last time they go looking for him in the house.)  As I walked into the basement living room I couldn’t help but notice the way (a) had set up their little nativity scene.  Instead of posing it facing outward as we typically see, he had every person and animal gathered into a semicircle turned toward and focused on the Baby Jesus.  It melted my heart, and made me thankful.  I threw out my original plan and took Elfie to join the scene of those who stared adoringly at Jesus.

 

No, this Christmas I didn’t get it all done (case in point- the presents I haven’t even started wrapping yet), but we got a lot done.  A lot of the good stuff.  And that’s what Christmas is all about- giving adoration to the one who gave the best gift of all.  Remembering the promise he fulfilled, and thanking him for ALL the good gifts he gives us every single day (especially the three snuggled around me watching Christmas movies with tummies full of cookies).

 

Merry Christmas from my family and One Life Out Loud!!

 

“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means God with us.” Matthew 1:23

Making a List, Checking it Twice

 There’s a song about Santa making a list and checking it twice.  I don’t know if that is accurate or not for that guy, but man does it describe this mama right before Christmas!!

 

As a teacher, this is one of the craziest weeks of the year- I have made two Stuff-Mart runs already to make sure I have everything for our various parties, festivities, Grinch Day, crafts, Secret Santa gifts, and dress up days.  My family is having our first Christmas this weekend, so there is a checklist for that event that is totally separate.  There are still several gifts to buy for various people, Christmas cards that need to be sent out, cookies to make, and so many other things to do.  I’m always making a list, and checking it at least twice.  The list eases a lot of the “hustle and bustle” for me and makes things less stressful, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t busy and often chaotic making sure I have everything on the list. 

 

Yesterday was “Grinch Day” in my classroom- one of those days with a LONG list of things I needed.  And no matter what day it is at school things are hectic in our house in the mornings.  I was feeling fairly calm, but just trying to check the list twice to make sure everyone had everything they needed.  (b) and (lk) were dressed and ready and I was hoping they would both just play quietly for a few minutes while we made the finishing touches on our daily run out the door.  Note I said HOPING they would play quietly, that doesn’t happen real often for (b), he is usually in turbo drive, and often in doing so, crashes into his baby sister and causes all out chaos.  However, yesterday morning I looked from the kitchen to the living room to find him sitting in the floor with his sister, holding a Christmas book about the animals’ reaction to the nativity to her, and telling her over and over in his little two-year-old voice about “Baby Jesus! See Baby Jesus!”  It was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen.  And she was very intrigued by his story and kept smiling at him and trying to grab the pages.  In the middle of my hectic, I had to stop and take some pictures, and say a little prayer of thanksgiving for the sweet reminder.

 

No matter how many times I check my list this Christmas, may it never take my focus from the beautiful simplicity of what this season is all about.  “Baby Jesus! See Baby Jesus!”

 

“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name, Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21

All is "Calm"

 I ordered our Christmas cards earlier this week, and had to giggle at myself when I finished the order and then reconsidered the card I had chosen.  One the front it says “All is calm and bright.” It was pretty, had a faith-based influence, and could fit several pictures on it- those were my criteria in choosing a card design.  However, after hitting order I had to laugh at the statement, because truthfully, there is NOTHING calm about our household right now (evidence in point- I’m publishing my blog a day late).  There is a lot of joy, a lot of fun, a lot of memories being made, and a lot of love shared, but there is nothing “calm.” Instead, there is squealing and cackling of laughter, often some arguing or shouting over a toy or stolen item of high interest at the moment, and lots of requests for food.  There is often someone running, crying, or desperately looking for their lost boot, belt, backpack, or favorite pair of jeans. 

 

Calm is not a word I would ever use to describe our home (or honestly any of our children for that matter), but I would say it is safe, it is a place that encourages faith, hard work, cooperation, communication, fun, and interaction with one another.  We don’t appear calm when we are having a kitchen dance party of worship music, but in that my heart is calm.  We don’t appear calm when the three of them are playing together and all laughing at the top of their lungs, but in that my heart is calm.  We don’t look calm as they boys cheer for rodeo on the TV or barrel through the basement on their stick horses together, but my heart is calm as I watch them doing things they love together.

Not a lot of calm when cowboy (b) is watching the National Finals Rodeo

 There is very little calm in our day to day chaos.  But when they all are asleep and quiet falls over the house, I find myself reflecting.  There must have been moments that first Christmas that didn’t feel so calm either.  The challenge of traveling extremely pregnant, finding no place to stay in a busy city packed with travelers, and realizing the baby is coming when you are not at home.  And when I consider it that way, I wonder if calm may not always be the appearance on the outside, but more a state of the heart.  That place when you realize that God is still in control, He still has a plan, He is still working things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, and He is still waiting for the invitation to pour His peace into your chaotic life.  Calm is knowing that I don’t know it all, can’t fix it all, and can’t do it all- but I know the one who can and turn to Him to sustain me. 

 

And so, if you see us “doin’ our thing” as a family, you may not see the appearance of calm, but maybe I can say “all is calm” as I know where my heart lies and who holds together all of our chaos.

 

“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on Earth, peace to those on whom His favor rests.” Luke 2:14

Decorating Adjustments

 I say it every year, but it is always true, I love Christmas time.  The decorations, the songs, the foods, the special events, the movies and TV Christmas specials, the time spent with friends and family- I love it all.  But as I was decorating our home for Christmas this past weekend, I had to giggle at how much that process has changed over the past few years.  Sharing Christmas with our kiddos has brought a whole new spin on Christmas decorating. 

 

I have a beautiful, ceramic byzantine nativity scene.  And I haven’t set it up for four years.  Instead, our main nativity scene (I have several) is a plastic “Little People” brand nativity that was covered in sticky and had to be cleaned with baby wipes before I set it out.  There was a time I would have been horrified to decorate with a little plastic nativity, but now I set it out each year with joy.  It may not be as fancy, but it serves the purpose in an even better way.  You see our kids interact with it constantly which keeps us talking about the miracle of baby Jesus, how he was born in the stable, the shepherds to came to visit him, and the wisemen who brought gifts and worship.  While I will admit the constant play does lead to an occasional missing wiseman, and even one year baby Jesus himself disappeared for a couple days- the sticky fingerprints on the figures bring me joy to know that our kids are learning about and working to understand the truest meaning of Christmas.

I have always loved a big, beautiful tree covered in white lights and decorated with meaningful ornaments that represent our life and family.  Our kids however, also love to decorate the tree for Christmas and they prefer bold colors and most of the ornaments clumped together on 3 branches.  I struggled with this for a few years because I wanted to include (a) in the decorating process, but just couldn’t handle the finished product.  Last year we came up with a much better solution which is now thoroughly enjoyed by both boys, and their mama.  I purchased a six-foot tree that fit in their bedroom.  They picked out their own red lights to string on it and they are allowed to decorate it with their own ornaments however they would like.  I don’t step in and rearrange anything unless it is in danger of falling off and breaking.  They are so proud of their tree, and I am able to enjoy watching them decorate it (sometimes they even rearrange ornaments daily) without feeling any stress about how it looks.

There are many other traditions I have come to make adjustments on such as cookies that look more alien than snowman, pictures that are more precious than posed, listening to the same songs on repeat to practice for programs, and I know there will be many more through the years.  But I have learned to embrace these adjustments with joy- they won’t last forever and I will someday be desperately missing them. 

And my adjustments pale in comparison to the adjustments that were made on that first Christmas.  I can’t even imagine the humility of God taking on the limited form of a human baby.  I can’t fathom birthing one of my children in a stable because there was no place else for us to go and no one to attend to me but my husband.  I can only imagine how different it would be to share my baby for the first time with a group of strangers visiting instead of my friends and family.  But I will always give glory to God for making those adjustments- his perfect plan was far better than anything I might have considered.  And so, I will celebrate this season with joy and thankfulness, clumps of ornaments, crazy cookies, and a sticky plastic nativity- because our whole family is celebrating God’s best gift of all.

Give Thanks in All Circumstances

 Earlier this week, we drove to Indiana late in the evening to come visit family and friends for Thanksgiving.  As we drove across the dark interstate one child was crying fighting sleep, another was screaming at the top of his lungs simply because he has discovered his screaming voice and thinks it is HILARIOUS, and the third was crying in frustration because he was annoyed with all the crying from the other two.  (A) and I were feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the crying from the backseat and looked at each other with pained expressions, then I giggled and told him I had just been teaching my high school youth group kids that we are called to give thanks in ALLLL circumstances.  That night I was thankful all three of them have healthy lungs, and then maybe a little more thankful when they all gave up and fell asleep for the rest of the trip.

 

The past year has been full of “circumstances.”  Some of those days it was extremely easy to be thankful, like the day sweet (lk) was born, and the afternoon we got to introduce her to her adoring big brothers.  It was easy to be thankful on summer mornings when the kids enjoyed the sunshine of being outside and we had the leisure of no schedule.  It was easy to be thankful on days when my family was all together, when my students enjoyed cool projects I had planned for them, when we spent the evenings with friends, or shared a rare date day.  But I can’t lie, some days have been much harder to be thankful.  It was hard to be thankful when the dr started worrying about pre-eclampsia, when we were living in quarantine and feeling extremely stressed, and on the days when teaching was HARD.  It was hard to feel thankful when loved ones experienced health issues, when they found a mass in my lung, when a friend passed so very young, and on days when I was mentally and emotionally drained from trying to juggle it all.  However, those hard days and circumstances don’t change the calling God has given us to “give thanks in all circumstances.” 

 All circumstances… to me that reminds me that thankfulness is not a feeling dependent on what is happening, but an attitude with which I should live.  Thankful that even on the hard days I know He is holding me up, and on the good days He has blessed me beyond measure.  Thankful that in difficult circumstances I still know who holds tomorrow, even when I don’t know what tomorrow holds. 

 

Today, we will hop in the truck with our kids to make some Thanksgiving rounds.  I doubt that they will be perfect car riders all day, and amid the food and the family there will probably be moments I feel overwhelmed with wrangling everyone.  But I know that I am overwhelmingly blessed as well, and so I will try, with all my heart, to give thanks in all circumstances. 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

 

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Cheering Section

 I firmly believe that life requires a cheering section- some people who have your back and encourage you in all your joys and trials.  I’m pretty sure I believe in this cheering section idea because I grew up with such a strong one.  A family who loved me enough to encourage and support me on both the best and worst days, who reminded me who I was and whose I was, told me not all days would be this hard in the tough times, and kept me humble because not all days would be as amazing as the good ones.  I’m thankful to still have the support and influence of that cheering section, and that they are helping me pass that on to the next generation. 

 

I realize how incredibly blessed I was (and still am) to have that kind of a family, that isn’t the way it happens in all homes.  I have two awesome parents who work hard, serve others, give of their time, talents, and resources, and are fully committed to their faith, family, and each other.  They are a pretty epic example in my opinion.  A little over a week ago, I was able to capture some of my favorite photos of them that I have ever taken.  They are not perfectly posed photos, they are actually a little blurry, and the lighting isn’t amazing, but the moment they captured will forever be etched in my heart. 

 

At the recent American Angus Convention, my dad was elected to serve on the Board of Directors of the American Angus Association.  This is a huge honor and responsibility, and a dream has been on his heart for several years now.  He has committed his entire career to the beef cattle industry and the Angus breed in particular- and my mom has been there right beside him for the past 40+ years of that time.  While she doesn’t work cows beside him, she is the cheering section that has his back, picks him up, keeps him humble, and makes sure his shirt and tie are appropriately coordinated when he is headed off the farm for events.  For years I have watched them work together to support the industry and the people behind the livestock, I can’t help but be proud of them.  And because our parents were always there for us, it was an easy decision for the three of us girls to be at the convention supporting Dad’s run for the board.  The morning of the election meeting, we sat with Mom (and part of the son-in-laws and grandkids) towards the back of the room, while Dad was up front in the area where he was supposed to be sitting with the Indiana voting delegates.  After the results of the election were announced, we were able to clap and smile broadly, but since there was other official meeting business for the delegates to vote on, it was nearly another hour before things adjourned and we were able to physically see Dad.  When the time came, my mom made a beeline for the front of the room, and I followed after her with my camera in hand.  I was able to capture the moment she got to hug him in congratulations, the cowboy kiss his best girl in thanks for her support, and the look of joy on both of their faces.  This was honestly a celebration for both of them, something they had worked for together- Dad out front, and Mom in the cheering section.  They make me proud to be their daughter.  They make me hope that some day my grown children will look at (A) and me the way I look at them.  They encourage me to show our kids how to be a part of the cheering section.

 

“And let us consider how we may spur oen another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another- and all the more as you see the day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25

Baggage

Traveling with children is an entirely different ballgame.  This weekend we will by flying with our kiddos for the first time.  I will just admit I have never spent so much time planning and calculating a trip. 

 

Usually, I see how much I can cram in my free carry-on bag and off we go.  But planning to fly with young children has been a totally different experience.  I have spent days figuring out what everyone needs, what bag they will be packed in, what things we will be in big trouble if we forget (we don’t have a rental car, so no runs to the StuffMart if we forgot something), and how to keep everyone entertained during the travel portion.  At the same time, I’m concerned about packing TOO much and having overweight suitcases as well as the excess stress of dragging around stuff we didn’t really need.  It has been an eventful process to say the least.

How do ya pack up all this gear, cuteness, AND luggage

It has also sounded much like a conversation I had this week about my life, stress level, and workload in multiple areas of my life.  One of the “coaches” I work with suggested to me this week that I should make a list of the things I need to get done (that was a silly request… spend 2 minutes with me and you would quickly realize my life is always running off 2-3 lists).  She also suggested I prioritize the list in the order it needs to be completed (again, duh, that is always how a list works, right?!) But THEN she said I should go through the list and start determining what could be done by someone else and start delegating off those tasks.  Ouch…. It really sounds like a super helpful plan, just not something I have ever been good at.

 

 Some of the things on my to do list are excess baggage- things that are weighing me down, stressing me out, and I need to pass them off.  As I have checked off the travel “packing” list I keep reminding myself… you don’t need to take it all.  Perhaps I need to apply that concept to other areas of my life.  There is definitely some stress-baggage I could pass off and allow my Savior to carry for me, for He is much stronger than I am, and he doesn’t have to work from a list.

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Standing in the Gaps

 Over the weekend I had two dear friends reach out and check on me because they hadn’t seen my writing for a few weeks.  I can’t tell you how much that meant to me, because it meant the words of this ministry mean something.  And I am still here!! Just currently living in a challenging season where finding the balance between all things of parenting, marriage, work, ministry, rest, keeping my people fed and clothed has all been VERY hard. 

 

Fall is a hectic time at school where we juggle parent teacher conferences, field trips, special education conferences, and various other things that arise all on top of the day-to-day learning and working to meet the needs of all the different students in the two grade levels within my classroom (and there is no fall break here, Indiana friends).  At home we are busy conquering kindergarten homework (which thankfully (a) loves), trying to keep (b) from making 497 messes per evening, starting (lk) on solid foods, and managing the levels of how much they truly love each other from turning into the attacking sort of love where everyone is crying because the hugs and giggles turned into chasing, injuries, and tears of exhaustion.  It is a beautiful, messy life- and I am completely exhausted and have not had an adult conversation with my husband in 2 weeks.

 

Trying to do it all, be it all, make sure it is all covered has left me feeling inadequate in every area of my life.  I don’t feel like I am enough for my students, my own family, my ministry, or my own physical and mental health.  But after Bible study last night, a dear friend walked up to me, looked into my tired eyes and told me, “I feel like God wants me to remind you that you ARE enough, and HE will fill in the gaps where you can’t.”  I can’t tell you what those words meant to me. 

 

Growing up, I spent a lot of hours sorting and working cattle with my dad.  I know how important it is to have someone stand in the gaps for you.  With someone solid standing in the gaps, moving cattle where they need to go can be a smooth and easy process.  Without that, it can be a frustrating disaster where you get nothing accomplished no matter how long you work.  While I feel like I have been moving cattle without any help lately, the reality is I just need to open my eyes and see that He is filling in the gaps for me.  That with his help I can accomplish the things that I NEED to get done, and the other things he will provide for through someone else, or give me peace that they really didn’t HAVE to happen.  Standing in the gaps… it is a simple job but is a huge necessity.  What a feeling of reassurance and comfort, He is standing in the gaps for me- I don’t have to feel alone in all I juggle and all I do- He is standing right beside me making me enough.

 

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10