Letting them be Light

Well it happened… that moment you dread as a parent but has happened to most of us.  My son opened his mouth and out came a word that he did NOT hear in our home, a word that he did NOT hear on our TV, and a word that made both of his parents’ heads snap in immediate shock.  I realize from talking to other parents that at some point, it happens to almost everyone.  They are little sponges who soak up everything they hear, even from passers by in the Stuff*Mart parking lot. 

I quickly jumped all over him both scolding and explaining that there was NOTHING appropriate about that word and I never wanted to hear it out of his mouth again.  I also asked where on Earth he had heard such a word, when he dropped his eyes and told me that another child says it at daycare.  Ooooh boy.  As a teacher, I firmly believe in confidentiality, and protecting the identity of and information about students, but four-year-olds don’t understand that… and they are quick to tell you other students by name and what they did wrong.  I have heard this name several times over the last few months- usually associated by telling us about some wrongdoing.  More recently however, (a) has been asking if this child could come over to play and telling us he “wants to come to my house.”  My usual response is just that we only invite friends over if we know their parents.  This week (a) had a heartbreaking comeback for me when he went on to tell me (in his little boy version of course) that I couldn’t talk to his parents because this child lived with his grandparents due to other sad homelife details the child had shared with him.  Now I realize that children are often unaware of all the truth in a situation, and they are often so innocent that they don’t know what details they “aren’t supposed to share” with other children, but the things my little guy told me about his friend made my heart hurt.  I had been so upset at this little boy for teaching my son a bad word, when in reality there are tough things happening in that child’s life that I don’t know the details of, but I’m sure they are things he should not have to be navigating at such a young age.

After the bad word incident, I spoke with (a)’s daycare teacher.  I told her that I did not want to discuss children by names or private details, but I was very concerned that he had heard this word.  She assured me that they were working very hard to help correct the other student’s behavior and that they are trying to teach and correct while protecting the other children from learning inappropriate things, but yes unfortunately (a) had heard the other child use this word.  She then said something that stuck with me most of all… one day last week when something happened, she encouraged (a) to help show this other student the RIGHT thing to do.  She said, “I told him that he knows right from wrong, he comes from a great homelife, and he could be a friend to the other child by showing him how we should act and talk to others.” 

This pierced my heart.  I had been so upset with this other child and so frustrated at how it was affecting my own son that I could not see past “me, me, me.”  How MY child had heard a bad word, how MY child had repeated it, how MY child might be hearing homelife details that were messy.  Yet out of my same mouth (A) and I often talk about how desperately we want to raise boys that are salt and light.  We want our children to have opportunities to point others to Jesus.  We talk about how real ministry is messy, how evangelism doesn’t happen in sterile environments, and yet I was appalled that my child had seen some “messy” in another kid.  I left that conversation with the daycare teacher wiping tears from my eyes and I got in the car and called (A).  The first thing I told him was that I was done being mad at (the name (a) keeps telling us), and I was adamant that we are going to begin praying for him.  We don’t know his details, but (a) has told us enough that I know he needs our prayers.  And he needs a friend like (a).  A friend who can show him the love of Jesus.  

Don’t get me wrong, we will continue to be vigilant in guarding the hearts and minds of our boys.  We will continue to correct behaviors and discuss right from wrong and why choosing the “right” pleases God.  We will continue to closely monitor the things they are allowed to hear and see and are influenced by.  But we are also going to keep praying that they can be the salt of the Earth and shine the light of the world.  That God will use their little hearts and personalities to shine for Him into the lives of others they may encounter- whether they are 4 or 104.  I will get over myself and how I saw the “messy” affecting me, and start seeing it as an opportunity to pray for God’s intervention in those messy places… and just maybe He will use my little boy to do it.

“You are the salt of the earth.  But if they salt loses its saltiness, who can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.  You are the light of the world.  A city built on a hill cannot be hidden.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven.” Matthew 5: 13,14,16

He is so great at teaching and nurturing his brother, why wouldn't I allow him to do the same for others.

I Want to be a Mary Mom in my Martha Life

Last week was one of those particularly crazy weeks.  There were Valentine treats to get ready for the kids and teachers at daycare, there was a birthday party to attend, different situations at school were making it hard to leave and head home before 5:00, my students were begging me to come watch one of their basketball games, my hubby was sweet enough to get us dinner reservations for a date night, and then there was all the “usual” pile of papers to be graded, meals to be made, and household tasks to attend to.  One evening in particular I was exhausted but working my tail off to get dinner made while simultaneously making and packaging baby food, checking (a)’s backpack, repacking (b)’s diaper bag, and washing bottles for daycare and my “pumping station”… when I looked across from the kitchen into the living room.  There sat (A) in the recliner with both boys in his lap and there was a LOT of giggling going on.  And it in that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks… we were Mary and Martha.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I was not at all upset with him.  I’m so thrilled my boys have an awesome dad who is extremely “hands on” when it comes to parenting and he is a huge help around the house as well, but I can’t lie… I was so jealous.  There he sat playing and having fun with the boys while I was working to have everything ready for them. 

I really have no answers for how to be “Mary” mom in a “Martha” life, because the reality is my family still has to be fed, bags still have to be packed and prepared for the next day, we want them to be social, friendly kids who attend functions and interact with their peers, but there are so many days I wish there was “more of me” to be able to sit and snuggle. 

On Monday, both (A) and I were off work in observance of Presidents’ Day and I had quite a lot on my “to do” list.  I was really hoping to make the most of the day.  But after breakfast, (a) asked if we could go downstairs and play.  I didn’t even think twice to say “sure!”  And before I knew it… it was 6:00 pm, I had not accomplished a single thing on my “to do” list, but we had spent the entire day playing, snuggling, and napping together.  And I really felt like I HAD made the most of the day.  (A) had to go to church for a meeting that evening after dinner, and when he returned I was in the chair rocking the baby.  The supper dishes were still on the table and no one was packed for the start of the daycare week.  I laughed as I commented that the basement Christmas tree would just wait for another day (YES, my basement family room tree is still up… getting it down had been the highest item on the Monday “to do” list), but I truthfully didn’t mind, the snuggles were better.  

My Monday nap time lap full of cuddles

I still have no answers, and I’m still exhausted from trying to get it all done.  I have no tips, or tricks, or wisdom to share, but it is my fervent prayer that I will have more opportunities to be a “Mary” mama in my “Martha” life.

“Martha, Martha” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed- or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

What Love Now Looks Like

In going through photos from my grandma’s estate a few weeks ago, my sister passed me a picture.  It was a picture of (A) and me at Grandma’s house for Christmas during winter break our sophomore year of college.  That was just over 17 years ago, and I will admit, when she first handed me the picture it truthfully took me a few seconds to even realize who I was looking at.  I looked so much younger, and my husband didn’t have any facial hair (I honestly think that trip home may have been the last time I saw him without his goatee!) We got quite a laugh out of both the picture and my moments of not even recognizing us. 

Something about finding the picture however, really stuck with me.  It made me think so much about how love changes over the years.  Back then we only saw each other every 4-6 weeks, but got to have two phone conversations a week- I did have free cell phone minutes on the weekends, so we talked for a while on Sunday evenings after he got home from church.  Then we took turns paying to keep minutes on a calling card for our Wednesday evening phone call.  The Wednesday call was also a bit more complicated because he had night classes and didn’t get home until late, but my roommate went to bed early… so I would have to sit in my closet with the door closed to keep the land line working but not keep my roommate awake.  I so fondly remember those conversations where we shared everything that was happening in our week, the challenges of school, what was happening at church, and making plans and dreams for our future.  That looks so different now as we are lucky to get in 10 minutes of adult conversation within an evening.  The thing is, we don’t love each other any less, it is actually quite the opposite, however it looks a whole lot different now days….

With that being said, I would like to share with you an excerpt from my thought two years ago… because I still can’t say it any better.  (Only now there are TWO littles and man oh man I REALLY miss having time to run!!!)

What “love” looks like in my life these days…

Love is walking into the kitchen and realizing someone else did the dishes already.

Love sacrifices a Sunday afternoon nap so I can have one.

Love says “I want to hold Mama.” (Sweetest toddler phrase ever!!)

Sometimes love doesn’t say anything, it just holds you while you cry.

Love gives big squeezy hugs then giggles and says “tickle, tickle, tickle!”

I’ve watched love put aside its own feelings to do whatever it takes to take care of his family.

Love says “If you need me to dispose of a body I know where every sinkhole is on this place!” (No worries!! We haven’t done and wouldn’t do anything THAT stupid together, but I know her love would fight for me.)

Love shows up when you have a sick kid, your house is a mess, and you just need help.

Love sends a hand-written note in the mail to say “I’m thinking of you!”

Love takes care of bath time so you can have 5 minutes to just sit and rest.

Love wants to spend hours looking at pictures on our phones so he can see all his favorite people that he knows love him back.

Love helps figure out daycare pickup when Mommy can’t get there and Daddy is still at work.

Love is the look on his face when he is hugging the dog like his very best friend.

Love sends a text to say “I know you’re doing awesome.  I’m proud of you.”

Love does the laundry.

Love lets you go run for your health and sanity, even when he is hungry and is anxious for you to fix dinner.

Love is where it is ok to not be ok.

Love says “I’m praying for you.”

Love checks in on you at just the right times.

Love wears a big cheesy grin and usually has sticky fingers.

Love makes you laugh.

Love brings home an unsweet tea “just because.”

Loves goes searching all over town (with a toddler) for medicine when you are sick.

Love sits with you when you are scared.

Love is brave in the face of fear.

Love does “evening duty” so you can still do some of the social things you want to do.

Love draws you a picture and writes “to the best teacher ever!”

Love reminds me that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Love says “I help Mama!”

Love looks at Daddy as his hero.

Love changes the station so you can listen to music you both like.

Love drives when you are too tired to.

Love shows what sacrifice is all about.

Love holds on to each other for dear life.

Love remains.

Love forgives.

Love went to the cross…  THAT is a love worth celebrating.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I hope you are able to look around and see the way love lives in your life this week. 

When Time Stands Still

This week we celebrated our cowboy’s 4^th birthday.  It really seems a little bit impossible that 4 years have already passed, because I still remember so many details from that day (well minus the couple hours after my medical emergency where I was in and out of consciousness… those details are a little fuzzy).  The day I gave birth to each of my children really, for me, was a day where time stood still.  Where I made a purposeful decision to soak up every detail and feeling with the hope of holding on to them forever.  As I snuggled with my four-year-old boy before bed on his birthday, I closed my eyes and let myself relive those memories.  What it was like to hold that tiny baby we had prayed for, to watch my husband stand over the bed sweetly caring for both of us, to marvel at the fact he was ours, to worry over how on Earth we were supposed to do this- there was no owner’s manual!  As I wiped away a tear of joy, I was so thankful that holding that (much bigger) boy made time stand still.

 

Apologies to the hubby, we don't have a family 4th birthday party picture yet, just one selfie I was quick enough to catch after his party on Sunday.

Yesterday marked one year since my Grandma went to meet Jesus, and ironically yesterday was also the date of her estate sale.  In preparation for the sale, there were a million pictures to go through, and we grandkids were given the opportunity to speak up if there were things from the house that we would like to have.  More than once I made the comment, that truthfully the thing I would like the most would be to have the smell of the house bottled up.  For me personally, smell evokes a very strong sense of emotion and memory.  The smell of stepping into her house makes time stand still.  I was a little bitty girl there to play while my mom ran errands.  I was a young girl popping in to visit in the middle of a summer work day.  I was a college girl home on break.  I knew Grandma would pop around the corner of the kitchen, or be sitting at her desk meticulously going through the farm books. 

The items I did end up asking for were relatively small and most would deem insignificant- a set of salt and pepper shakers, a stool, a picture of two little farm boys, a wire egg basket, and 2 plastic mugs.  They were not things of great value, but they are items that take me back to a place where time stands still, and I am spending time in their home.  They are items that are already hanging on our wall or being used in our house so I can tell my boys the stories of how I used them in my grandparents’ home.

When I think of the moments in my life where time stands still, I will admit that not all of those time were happy.  Some of the hardest, most traumatic days of my life were days where time stood still too, where I can still recount each detail of what happened and how I felt.  Those moments are ones I try not to revisit often, but every now and then a trigger brings me back.  Here is the beautiful thing about traveling back to those moments now… with the passage of time I can look back on those days and see how God worked to carry me through.  I can see how He never let go of me in each situation, and how He taught me lessons about Himself and His faithfulness as I moved forward from those hard places.  In the same way, I look at the happy days and places where time stood still and see His blessings and His grace.

Time is an amazing thing.  It marches quickly and other times drags on forever, it brings change, it heals wounds, it shows growth, and some days… it stands still.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens… He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3: 1 & 11