In the Strength You Have

A few weeks ago, a dear friend and I were discussing school workload and upcoming parent conferences and she said to me “I don’t know how you do it all! You teach, parent, cook, volunteer at church, blog, belong to a small group, teach Sunday school, and help your husband with many different things.  How do you do it all!??”  My response to her… “I’m not really sure.  But I do know I’m exhausted all the time.”  To top it off, the very day we had that conversation I became incredibly sick with the “fall crud” which has left me with a terrible cough I cannot shake, robbed me of my sleep for many nights, and stolen my voice for nearly 10 days now.  Prior to “the crud” I did something to my back that has given me weeks-worth of pain that has been keeping me awake at night.  At this point I sound like I’m throwing a pity party for myself that I’m sure you are not interested in attending- but hear my heart.

I share this to tell you how incredibly weak I realize that I am.  Physically, I am healing, but VERY slowly.  And when I am down physically it always brings me down mentally and emotionally as well.  When I have no voice to speak with, I feel like a terrible teacher.  I have felt like a horrible wife and mom because most nights I can barely make it through the door without collapsing to the couch to try to feel better, and my cough is keeping the entire house up at night.  I have had to bow out of some of my volunteer roles at church because I simply had no voice to fulfill them, and I even missed a blog last week because I simply didn’t have the strength to get it done.  It’s true… I’m very week.  I’m not a superwoman at anything and I don’t have any special secret.

While I was feeling pretty sick, this guy was having fun playing with his shadow.  He didn't see me take this picture, but it made me think of the "mighty warrior" that is bigger than us, but we have to be willing to stand in the light of God's grace to see it

While I was feeling down, two different studies I am a part of, took a look at the story of Gideon.  The studies were separate and had nothing to do with each other, so I quickly realized this was probably a nudge from God to me to take closer look at what He needed me to hear.  As a kid, the story of Gideon was one I loved, because it was fun to march around the Sunday school room blowing a paper horn and shouting “A sword for the Lord and for Gideon!!” And I remembered that God had whittled his army down to a number that shockingly low.  But there was a part of the story that I had forgotten.  When God called Gideon to take up an army and go defeat the Midianites, Gideon tried to argue that he could not be the one to do it because he was from the weakest tribe and he was the least in his family.  But God called him a “mighty warrior” and told him “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand.  Am I not sending you?” (Judges 6: 11-14)

The words “Go in the strength you have” hit me deep in my soul.  Honestly, I’ve been feeling completely tapped out on strength, but I think so was Gideon.  That was God’s point.  When He told Gideon to go, God knew that Gideon wasn’t all that strong, but HE was.  He would be the one to provide the strength that Gideon needed to deliver the people.  When we are at our weakest points, that is when we truly get to see how strong God is.  When our strength is tapped out, we see how He goes before us and carries us to do the work we have been called to. 

It is a verse I am choosing to cling to in this season of life.  Where truthfully, I have no idea how to do all the things I do.  But I know this, I do them because I firmly feel that God has called me to them.  I am not strong enough on my own, but if I am willing to be obedient with what little strength I have, he will constantly remind me that it is not my strength at all that matters.

“When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said ‘The Lord is with you mighty warrior.’ … The Lord turned to him and said, ‘Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand.  Am I not sending you?’” Judges 6: 12, 14