Memory Lane

Oh spring cleaning… I struggle to get going with it every year, because I know that inevitably it will always get WORSE before it gets better, but I also know how much better I will feel when it is done.  Though it isn’t easy, I love the feeling of a good purge in my house.  I have been working through that process over the last week and this past weekend’s project was my office.  I can’t lie, since turning our spare bedroom into (a)’s room a couple years ago, the office became more of a “catch-all” room, and honestly, I haven’t tackled it for a LONG time because it just felt daunting to me.  However, this time it also did something else for me.  This spring cleaning took me down memory lane in a lot of ways. 

This was a DEEP clean… like years deep.  At the bottom of one pile I found the first photo taken of (A) and me (just the two of us).  It was taken on Friday evening of a week of church camp, before our first date two days later. 

We had just graduated high school.  I was SOOO much thinner, he had no facial hair.  In the background, I can also see my first car, our family’s hand me down 1991 Ford Explorer (I seriously loved that car), and the little red Ford Ranger truck he was driving when we first started dating (it was NOT his first car… we didn’t have the same teen driving record).  I couldn’t help but break into a giggle when I found the picture.  I took a deep breath and let myself remember every detail I could recall from that week.  In some ways it feels like just yesterday, in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago.  We were pretty young (18 and 19) and had no idea what life held for us.  We didn’t know what struggles we would face, what joy we would share, what silly things we would fight about, or what opportunities God would give us.  We just knew we loved Jesus, we had a crush on each other, and we were loved and supported by family and friends- and at that stage of life that was really all we knew and all that mattered.  While a tiny part of me would love to go back to those days, it would only be for a visit.  I wouldn’t trade the 16 years that have passed since that picture was taken, because if I went back I wouldn’t know what I do now.  I wouldn’t see that life’s struggles would bring us closer to God and closer to each other, that celebrating exciting moments together would make us feel on top of the world, we wouldn’t know the joys and heartaches of ministry together, we wouldn’t know how fun (and exhausting) parenthood is, and I wouldn’t trade those lessons for anything.  And while I don’t know what the future holds, I have a feeling that if I look back in another 16 years I will think the same thing all over again. 

Deep clean also lead me to a notebook.  In that notebook was EVERYTHING from wedding planning.  First, I felt pretty proud of myself that we actually planned a wedding BEFORE Pinterest existed.  I smiled as I flipped through the pages and remembered each of those planning appointments and decisions that had to be made, but the thing that tugged my heartstrings was looking at the guest list.  I couldn’t help but notice SO many names of people that have passed away over the last 11 years, people that I loved and admired.  Many older whose health failed them, others who weren’t older, and I never dreamed would be gone already.  And it made me think about how I am using the time I have with the people I love.  I would give anything to have some recipes and kitchen secrets that “my Alice” used, but those are gone now.  I would love to tell Shelli how much her smile and joyful spirit lifted me up.  Why do I let those things get away from me?  Why don’t I tell people how much I appreciate them, or take the opportunity to soak in a piece of their legacy?  I need to be more intentional about that.

Deep clean also lead me back to two new beginnings.  I found the card I had written and sent to (A) to congratulate him on his first full time ministry position.  We were both still in college (him in Louisville and me 3 ½ hrs away in West Lafayette) and we were SO excited about the opportunity.  We didn’t know that we would make life-long friends there or all the things we would learn about ministry, we just knew beginnings were very exciting.   I also found the church newsletter from 10 years ago, welcoming us to the ministry we most recently left.  It listed the details of all our welcoming festivities- pitch-ins, (A)’s first Sunday, and a “pounding.”  It made me smile to go back to such exciting memories.  We had no idea that again, we would make life-long friends there, we would share huge joy and huge pain, we would learn so much about ministry, we just knew beginnings were exciting.  It was a good reminder for me, as the last several months of transition have been very hard, that new beginnings are exciting, and we will feel that again someday. 

As I pulled the last black trash bag out of the office Saturday evening, I took a deep breath.  First because I was exhausted from the day I had spent cleaning, but also because the walk down memory lane had been a good one.  It made me realize just how much God has taught me through the years, how many times He has shown His goodness and faithfulness to me, and the reminder that He isn’t done teaching me, and He will continue to show me who He is.  And when I think about that, I only want to visit memory lane, I don’t want to stay there, because I don’t want to live without the things He has taught me and loved me through on the journey- those things are preparing me for what He has ahead.

“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.” Romans 15:4