Fessing up on Failure

After church on Sunday, I ran into Stuff*Mart really quickly to grab just a couple things.  On prominent display at the front end of the aisle were some t-shirts that were obviously being advertised as Mothers’ Day gifts.  One of them was bright pink and immediately caught my attention.  It read, “Super Mom, Super Wife, Super Tired.”  I nearly laughed out loud as I thought to myself… “yep, I ONLY qualify as SUPER TIRED!”  When it comes to being Super Mom or Super Wife, I am a total failure.  I don’t say that to be down on myself, I say it to be realistic. 

Yesterday morning my kid attempted to eat chocolate candy as his breakfast (and was successful before caught), due to a little “kitchen project” we have had to eat carry-out food on the floor of our living room for the past 3 days, I’m behind on grading papers from Friday, my car looks like a small tornado hit the interior, my house looks like a large tornado hit the interior, I haven’t been able to work out for a few days, I fussed at my husband for making a mess even though he was just trying to help fix a part of our “project,” and I’ve only described the last 3 days alone. 

I have come to realize I can’t do it all, be it all, have it all, smile about it, keep my voice down, drink enough water, exercise daily, follow the news, put a healthy homemade dinner on the table nightly, be teacher of the year, keep my kiddo clean, be the perfect wife, have a clean house, and answer daily emails and text messages.  I wish I could do all those things, I really do! But I’m just going to admit it… I can’t. 

It is hard for me to admit defeat, especially when it feels like people around me have it together.  In just the last week there have been conversations at lunch about spring cleaning and a lot of the other teachers discussed how they pull out all their appliances to clean behind them… and all I could do was look around and HOPE someone else was thinking like me “oh, people actually do that!??”  Another discussion came up about having children and grandchildren who prefer healthy foods over junk, and all I could think is… “well I TRY to make sure he has healthy foods, but if given his choice I know he would prefer I give him junk.”  But I’m slowly learning it is OK to fail by many of these standards. 

One of my recent "mom fails"... turning my back for 13.2 seconds when the toddler was within reach of lotion and q-tips... then of course also taking a picture of that mess before cleaning it up

Here is what I’m learning… when you focus on the “big stuff,” the things that really matter, all those little “failures” really don’t matter.  As we have sat down in the living room floor for our picnic dinners (a) has thought it is a wonderful adventure!  And I have looked around at the chaos and decided to let it go- we are sitting down as a family to eat together, that’s what really matters. 

When I fail on my own, in my own humanity, God has a chance to show me what He really wants me to focus on, and what HE and HIS POWER can do through me.  On Sunday, I accidentally overslept.  I usually need an hour to get ready and 35 min to drive to church.  I woke up at 7:13 and panicked when I realized I needed to be at church at 8:15 for praise team warm-up.  I will not tell you how I did it, but I made it work and rolled in the church parking lot (kinda sideways on 2 wheels) at 8:15.  I was kind of frazzled and a little worried that the start was going to ruin my whole morning… but then between services (a) took my hand and pointed to the stage and told me “Mama, I sing!  I sing up dare (there)!”  It melted me and put things in perspective… he didn’t see Mama running late or looking frazzled… he saw Mama using the voice God gave her to share in the worship service, and that is what he wanted to do too. 

It is my fervent prayer, that as parents we will always show him that the things that matter most- faith and trust in God for who He is and what He has done for us, serving Him with all our being, loving our family and others with the love of Christ, and forgiving ourselves and others for our shortcomings.  If we can share THAT, then I honestly don’t care if he sees me fail at keeping a perfect house, if I’m not as skinny as other moms, if he eats a little junk food along the way, or if he watches me apologize for messing up when I didn’t have it all together.  Because honestly, that is an important lesson too- I mess up, I am a failure, and that is why God’s grace is such a precious gift to me.  I wouldn’t be able to appreciate it fully if I didn’t see how desperately I need it. 

Thank you, Lord, for letting me be a failure in many ways, so I can see that the things I do manage to accomplish are only through YOU and through your work in and on my life. 

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)