When I Don't Know What to Say

It’s no secret that I’m a talkative girl, but I will admit there are still many times when I have no idea what to say.  One morning this week (a) informed me he was checking all his plastic horses to see if they were a boy or a girl and told me WHAT he was looking for to make his decision.  I had no words to respond to him in that moment.  My thoughts were mixed between thinking he was pretty smart, to weren’t plastic horses just unisex? (turns out they are not!), to how do I not laugh in this moment, to thinking it must be a normal thing for a kid who spends a lot of time on the farm.  But since my thoughts were all over the place, the only words that came out of my mouth in response to him were, “Oh, ok!”

This past Christmas morning, and again on Mother’s Day there were moments when I had no idea what to say as I opened my gifts.  Each time my dear, sweet husband wanted to make sure I had something to open… but his effort was sorely lacking as he just picked some random things on Amazon and had them shipped to our house.  I didn’t know what to say because my thoughts were mixed between wanting to seem grateful, not wanting to hurt his feelings, wondering what on earth he had been thinking, and my feelings being a little hurt that I had put in some real effort to his gift compared to what I was receiving.  So since my thoughts were all over the place, all I could respond was, “Oh… wow!”

There have been other moments as a parent and teacher when I knew I needed to discipline but had no idea what to say because the child’s “offense” was creative, or funny, or super intelligent.  There have been times in conversations where strangers have shared information that I was not prepared to hear and I found myself totally unsure of how to respond.

And when it comes to grief and hurt, I often have no idea what to say.  Many times I don’t know what it is like to walk in their shoes, I don’t want to say something that makes them hurt worse, so I simply listen, hug, and show up with food.

As I watch current events unfolding in our country, I feel like once again I am at a place where I have no idea what to say.  My heart breaks for all the hurt and unrest, for wrongs done and lives destroyed (and I don’t just mean by one specific current event…).  I am also hurt to see so much finger pointing and shaming, one-sided thinking, and blaming.  My thoughts are all over the place, and I truly have no idea what to say.  I can’t begin to know what it is like to walk in someone else’s shoes, and I don’t want to say something that makes the fear or the hurt worse.  I don’t want to marginalize an issue that is of huge importance, and I don’t want to hyperfocus on a part of an issue that isn’t such a big deal.  And so most of the time, I simply keep my mouth closed.  Not because I don’t care, but because I care enough to not say the wrong thing.  And since I don’t know what to say, I would much rather listen, hug, show up with food, and be a friend.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Romans 8:26