Personality

As we are nearing (b)’s first birthday I have been a little sentimental about my sweet snuggly baby moving toward that toddler phase.  There is something so wonderful about baby cuddles and watching their tiny little figure sleep or coo.  But as (A) and I discuss all the time, there is also something wonderful about watching him grow- and that is personality. 

Holding each of my boys as they were tiny infants I would often wonder and pray about who they were going to become and what they would be like.  I pray that they will love and serve Jesus before all else, that they will be men who lead their families, communities, and churches with a servant heart, but all the personality pieces who will make up those men are such a mystery when they are tiny.  It became apparent quite quickly that (a) was going to have a big personality.  He knows what he wants and he is a master negotiator, he can also be one of the sweetest, most compassionate kids I know.  He lives life at full volume, full speed, and full force, but because of that he isn’t very likely to pull a prank or surprise on you because he is too excited, too loud, or too dramatic to make that happen.  You never wonder where you stand with him, he will tell you (good or bad) and he will confidently stick a hand on a hip and use the other to talk with as he tells you.  He is curious (to the point of my total exhaustion), creative, and has a huge imagination. 

When we were expecting (b) I was so worried he would get overshadowed by his brother’s big personality.  Would people notice him? Would he be loved the same?  But as we are watching his personality develop, I’m quickly finding out I had nothing to fear- his personality is also big, but in a different way.  He is going to be our prankster- he is sneaky, subtle, and thinks himself to be SO funny.  He is fearless in ways we never saw (a) and in ways that nearly give me a heart attack multiple times a day.  He is a flirt and a giggle box, he loves to have all eyes on him, and he is not afraid to stand his ground- especially when it comes to dealing with his big brother- and I love watching these little pieces unfold daily.

As I am captivated by their personalities each day, I hope they will never give up these precious pieces of themselves.  Sure, some pieces need to be refined and guided- you can’t always be the center of attention or tell people exactly what you think in every situation- but these pieces of personality are a reflection of God’s own image.  They are pieces of the puzzle that He placed in these boys to equip them to live their lives doing His work.

There was a time in my life where someone told me that my personality was wrong, that no one wanted to work with me or be around me the way I was, and that who I was just wasn’t right.  I was in an extremely vulnerable place at the time, and the words of one person managed to steal pieces of my personality for several years.  I ran from leadership opportunities (even when my heart was drawn to them), I tried to give up things that I was naturally drawn to, and I set aside dreams that had been in my heart for years- because I believed those pieces of my personality were wrong and I feared that they might cause me another deep hurt if I “let them out” to be seen again.  Thankfully, over a matter of years, God gently reminded me that those were pieces of personality that HE put inside me.  Those pieces had been visible from the time I was a little girl the size of (a), and while they constantly needed to be refined and guided, I could not just remove or discard pieces of my personality, because without those pieces He placed inside of me, I couldn’t fully step into the work He had for me and the purpose He was calling me to.  And when I finally quit denying the pieces of my personality that made me ME, it was incredibly freeing, I found purpose and passion, and God began to open doors for me in places I had never seen them before.

As I watch these little faces grow into men, as I help them refine and guide their personalities, I pray I will always be able to point the pieces toward Jesus.  That I will never try to take away the pieces of who He is creating them to be, and that I will have the patience to survive their precious, growing, personalities.

“Now may the God of peace,…equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” Hebrews 13: 20-21