Imitation

I’m the oldest of three girls.  Growing up it annoyed me to no end when my younger sister would follow me around imitating the things that I said or did.  I would complain that she was “copying me” to which my mother would always remind me that “imitation is the highest form of flattery.”  In time I came to realize what that meant, and that often it is true… until you hear the imitation out of someone else’s mouth and you don’t like how it sounds. 

Lately (a) has begun using a lot of phrases that I know he has heard from us.  Most of the time it is hilarious.  He will chime in an “I doubt it!” to a conversation at just the right place to make me giggle, or often tells me “not at the moment.”  Both those are phrases I know he has heard out of my mouth on numerous occasions.  The other day he was sniffing (yes, you read that right-sniffing) several tomatoes in a rack at the grocery, when I asked what he was doing he told me “I sniffin’ dem! Dey smell delicious and tasty!” I’m sure I have described vegetables to him in those terms and not even realized it.

On Saturday morning, (a) followed me out to the garage where we discovered one of our dogs had drug out some boxes and made a bit of a mess.  He is a sweet dog, whom we love, BUT he does have some EXTREMELY annoying habits that I complain about often to (A) as I remind him “He’s YOUR dog, Charlie Brown”…. I made a comment to (a) that we were going to have to clean up the mess and he started announcing “Dat STUPID dog maked a mess!” And continued on and on with the phrase “Dat STUPID dog.”  Ugh… gut check… yes the dog makes me crazy, but the word “stupid” coming out of my son’s mouth broke my heart.  We had a discussion about how we weren’t going to call him that, we could call him “crazy” or “silly”, but Mommy shouldn’t call him “stupid” and you aren’t going to either! 

That afternoon, he and I were outside playing with his sidewalk chalk and I was asking him to draw his shapes.  After each one I would cheer and compliment his effort.  Before long, he handed me the chalk and in MY SAME sing-song, but directive voice HE starting asking ME to draw specific shapes.  And after each one I drew he would cheer for me and tell me I did a “great job!”  I couldn’t help but laugh at what a little parrot he was. 

Later that evening, (a) was busy riding his buckin’ horse (a hoppity-hop style, bouncy, blue, rubber horse) around the rodeo area (his name for our basement living room) when I suggested he needed to take a break from the buckin’ chute to go to the restroom.  He quickly told me “No, I not want to.” I let him know that it wasn’t really a choice, he HAD to stop and take a potty break, to which he responded (with some SERIOUS teenage attitude in his voice!) “Ok, whatever!!”  Ouch!!! Now my Kansas sister happened to be there for the evening as she was traveling  through for work, and she found it wildly funny, me- I was just baffled.  I will admit it was one of those parenting moments where you have to look away and laugh before you begin the discipline, but he was QUICKLY informed that is not how we talk to Mommy.  A 4^th grader tried that just last week… it did not go well for her.  And then Daddy was QUICKLY informed, because a huffy “Ok, whatever!” is often his response when (a)’s negotiations over a situation bring (A) to his frustration breaking point. 

Imitation is the highest form of flattery, until that reflection isn’t so flattering.  I also unfortunately know this won’t be the last time my heart is broken by the reflection of myself that I see in my child.  And so, what I can do, is pray that my reflection will become more and more like that of Christ, so that what he imitates in me, will be an imitation of Jesus.  There’s a song that says “Lord I wanna be just like you, cause he wants to be like me.”  And I want to look at the things he says and does and not only say “Yep, he got that from me!” or “That’s just like his Daddy,” but “That… THAT is like Jesus.”

“Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved Children.” Ephesians 5:1

A Matter of Perspective

This weekend our family attended our first “Balloonfest” in our new town.  It is a big event where hot air balloons from all over come to compete in races throughout the weekend and “Glow” in the park in the evenings.  It has a huge festival atmosphere, and we were told from the first weekend (A) was hired back in the spring, that we could NOT miss Balloonfest.  On Saturday morning as we ran errands in the car we were able to see several of the balloons flying overhead and in the direction of our house.  It was beautiful and fun to hear (a) jabber about them.  But I really couldn’t completely appreciate the size or the balloon, the job of the crew, or the reality of just a “basket” until we were up close and personal with them at the glow that evening.

As (a) and I walked through the balloons set up in the park “glowing” Saturday evening, his comments changed from simple observations like counting them, to pure awe.  He kept telling me how “BIIIGG” they were and that when they lit up with fire it was “awesome!”  It was such a matter of perspective.  When the balloons were flying it was a beautiful sight, but when you really see the effort that goes into making that happen, and the physical size of the operation, (and consider the cost that must be involved!) you gain a whole new respect for the beauty of the flight.

He was totally in awe of their size!

I can’t lie, parenting has been hard lately.  We have been dealing with a difficult amount of separation anxiety as so many aspects of our life have changed.  Pair that with potty training, and a little boy who is as stubborn as his parents, has made for some interesting challenges that are often frustrating and embarrassing.  But I have also watched two families recently say unexpected “goodbyes” to their precious little ones, and it has changed my perspective so much.  While I still won’t give him a pass on bad behavior, I am so grateful for every moment with him, even the really hard ones.  I find myself thanking God for the chance to make bribes to survive the grocery, because I realize I’m blessed to be taking a child to the grocery. 

Last week was extremely challenging.  The first week of school always is for a teacher’s family (or at least this teacher’s family).  There are many long hours at school getting things adjusted and situated leaving my family hungry with only frozen pizza, my house in total disarray, and a serious need for a laundry fairy.  The struggles of a new school to me, and it being a tiny school corporation where everyone wears 32 different hats combined with major health insurance frustrations lead me to cry myself to sleep several nights, and to top off the “first week of school exhaustion” (a) has not been sleeping well, so of course, his parents haven’t been either.  Thankfully, Friday night he SLEPT, and so did we.  Saturday morning I received a wonderfully encouraging note from a parent in my class, and our family made a splurge from our usual eating habits for a big breakfast out of delicious, unhealthy, specialty pancakes.  It is amazing what sleep, encouragement, and cheesecake pancakes can do for your perspective. 

(a) is also a fan of pancake perspective

A change in perspective can create a change of heart, a change of attitude, and can put priorities in a different place.  Things that once seemed small can become so big, or things that once seemed hugely important can become so small when you step back and change the perspective.    I pray that I am always willing to take a look at my life from a different perspective, so I am able to empathize with others or truly appreciate just where I am.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18.

A Lesson in Confidence

Confidence is something our son does not lack.  Lately he has told me several times “I do a great job, Mama!” when he has completed a task, or if he is playing.  He even will say to me “Mama, you tell me ‘great job!’”  He will ask for a high five for his great job or instruct us to say “Yay (a)!”  I can’t lie, it makes me giggle nearly every time.  It also makes me wonder when we lose that sense of confidence.  When he declares that he does a great job, or asks us to tell about a great job it isn’t because he is trying to brag, he just really believes that he is working hard, and that he really is doing well at the task at hand.

Mr. Confidence himself

I, on the other hand, find myself constantly doubting myself and my ability.  I don’t know if I’m good enough, I wonder if I have what it takes, I don’t have confidence in my appearance, I am worried of what other people will think of me.  Just over a year ago, God put 4 words on my heart.  They were, brave, CONFIDENT, positive, and grateful.  I have spent the last year really discovering what those words meant in my life, and what I discovered was that in the areas of brave and confident, those were places where I needed to let God grow me (I truly had no idea what the last year of my life was going to hold, and how desperately I was going to need to know what it meant to be brave and confident).  There was a point in time where, like (a), I had confidence in myself.  But life has a way of stealing that confidence, and that is what happened to me. 

Many times I have been told that when it comes to confidence just “fake it til you make it.”  While that sounds good in theory, I refuse to live by this mantra, because I never want anything about who I am to be “fake.”  To me, fake is a cheap imitation, fake is not trustworthy, fake does not care.  I NEVER want to be fake.  But what God is teaching me about confidence is that I don’t have to fake it, what I do have to do is CLAIM it.  I am learning that confidence comes in knowing who I am, and WHOSE I am.  That the gift and talents inside of me really are worth showing and sharing because HE is the one who put them there for the use of His glory.  That I really AM enough, because HE is enough.  I’m realizing that finding my strengths and playing into them is how I follow the calling He is placed on my life.

It has not been easy, it has pulled me out of my comfort zone.  It has required a lot of “pep talks” into my heart that it is OK to claim confidence.  But then I do something as simple as make dinner and I hear “Yay, Momma! You do a great job!!”  And as I just smile and say thank you, I realize God is teaching me to claim confidence in who He says I am, so I can help teach that little cowboy watching to do the same thing.

“Such confidence we have through Christ before God.  Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:4-5

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised… And, ‘But my righteous one will live by faith.  And I will take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.’” Hebrews 10:35-36, 38     

"THAT" Teacher

Late last week, I overheard a conversation that really stuck with me.  I had taken (a) in to a local franchised walk-in haircut salon for a long overdue haircut.  He is NOT a fan of having his hair cut, so I was pretty focused on bribery and sweet talking him to take off his beloved cowboy hat as we waited his turn, when I couldn’t help but be distracted by the rather loud conversation between one of the stylists and the client in her chair.  They were very vocal in complaining about the school supply list they had picked up for their students for the upcoming school year.  They were super grouchy about the list asking for supplies by specific brand and what was wrong with that teacher, didn’t she know she was asking for the name brand supplies, and those were the expensive ones.  And how ridiculous that the teacher would request pencils that were just yellow and not allow character pencils.  They went on to determine that by asking for these specific supplies the teacher had taken all the fun out of school.  They were very negative and hostile about the whole thing.  And I just sat there, not saying a word, but my heart pounding and my face feeling warmer and warmer.  I big part of me was tempted to get up and walk out (knowing that very vocal stylist was going to be the same one to cut my grumpy little cowboy’s hair), but I didn’t, I just kept my mouth shut. 

What bothered me was… I am “THAT” teacher.  The teacher who asks for some of the student supplies by brand name.  Because what the vocal complaints don’t know is that I also am “THAT” teacher who spent $40 of my family’s own grocery money to buy a nice electric pencil sharpener for my classroom because we had no other sharpener in our room, and those fancy character pencils are wrapped in plastic coating that will ruin the new sharpener in 2 weeks. 

I am “THAT” teacher who requested a specific brand of dry erase markers because I know what I spent on whiteboards that I want to last years and years, and I know the generic brand of dry erase markers will stain and ruin those boards the 2^nd time they are used.

What those ladies don’t know is that I am “THAT” teacher who also thought and thought about what supplies to put on the list to make sure I wasn’t listing anything extra or unnecessary.  I am “THAT” teacher who went through the supplies I have bought previously to see if there is anything I can pass out to the class from my “stash” and not have to ask the parents to buy.

I am “THAT” teacher who has already quit adding up the receipts on what I have spent of my family’s personal money to buy things for my classroom and curriculum supplements that I will use this year.  I even spent personal money and time and energy to paint my new classroom this summer because it was super dingy but we didn’t have a janitorial staff in my district over the summer, so if it was going to get done I had to do it myself.

I am “THAT” teacher who will give up a lot of time with my family this year to stay at school late getting plans ready and running papers.  And many evenings when I am home I will still be grading papers or corresponding with parents through my classroom app.

I am “THAT” teacher who will lay in bed worrying about how to help you student with a concept they are struggling with or I will stay up late making sure everything is in place for special event day I have planned the next morning.

I am “THAT” teacher who will be brokenhearted over a tough home situation that I can’t change, and will come out to the ball park in the evening with my own kid in tow to see my “big kids” shine.

I want to be “THAT” teacher who empowers my students to set goals they have never set before, and then helps them work to achieve those goals.

I want to be “THAT” teacher who helps my students fall in love with reading, encourages creative writing, and says “I believe you can do it” when they try something new.

I am “THAT” teacher who realizes that parents entrust me daily with their most prized treasurers, and I do not take the responsibility lightly.

I am “THAT” teacher who will pray over every desk individually in the quiet empty room before the first day of school, and again the evening before state testing time when I know they are worried, and any time I know there is a struggle in their lives.  And no, my students will probably never know that happened. 

I want to be “THAT” teacher who someday former students will look back and say “She cared about me.”  “She helped me love learning.”  “She was there for me when I needed someone.”

And I tell you these things NOT because I want any praise of any kind, but because I know as much as I am “THAT” teacher, so are DOZENS and DOZENS of other teachers in schools all over this country.  I grew up with a mom who I watched be “THAT” teacher.  I student taught with a wonderful lady who was “THAT” teacher.  I went to Purdue and graduated with peers who are now “THAT” teacher in schools all over Indiana and beyond.  I have taught next door and down the hall from “THAT” teacher.  I have been mentored by “THAT” teacher within my school district.  And I have cheered when “THAT” teacher retired and finally got a much-deserved break from the stress of the job but watched her still cry for all she was giving up.  Are there bad teachers out there? Yep! Just like there are bad doctors and lawyers, and secretaries and factory workers, and CEOs and congressmen, and chefs and nurses.  But I don’t judge all of those groups by the few bad apples (ok… maybe the congressmen 😉).

So yes, I am “THAT” teacher who they were complaining about in the salon in front of his or her students because I asked for supplies by name.  And I am “THAT” teacher who kept my mouth shut because I know their complaints won’t change the kind of teacher I am. 

And I am “THAT” teacher who is asking for your prayers as we get ready to embark on a new school year.  Prayers not only for me, but for all the teachers out there pouring their life into being “THAT” teacher.  And for all the precious lives sitting in our classrooms who are being influenced by “THAT” teacher.

“In everything set them an example by doing what is good.  In your teaching show integrity and seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” Titus 2:7-8