Expectations

We have entered a new stage of toddler life… one where (a) makes it VERY clear that he does not like to go into stores.  We can be riding in the car just fine, and as soon as he realizes I am turning in to a store parking lot the shouting begins “I NOT WANT TO GO TO DA STORE!!” “No! No! It’s a no-no!!” And yep, right now I’m that mom you see trying gracefully to walk the aisles while also trying not to completely drag said screaming toddler behind me or dodging the fists being thrown at me from the cart.  (I am seriously apologizing right now if you have seen us in the store lately- its totally humiliating.)  I constantly find myself stopping to quietly, but sternly, repeat my expectations into his ear- you need to be polite, you need to do what Momma asks, you need to stop yelling.  And I’ll admit, I am even up for bribery.  Before we enter the store, I will restate the expectations and the reward that can be earned for meeting those expectations.  Yesterday’s grocery run was fairly successful because (a) was pretty excited to pick out a flavored water when we were done getting everything else IF he met the expectations.  I think I was more excited than he was when he held that peach flavored water in his hands, because I was so grateful and relieved that he had met my expectations for grocery store behavior.

Stores with the "cool carts" are totally my saving grace right now!!

Expectations are such a balancing act for me.  I like them- I LIKE to know what is expected of me from my principal, from my husband, from my financial obligations...  I like to know what I am working toward and what I need to accomplish.  For me personally, the structure of expectations is comforting in many ways.  But my struggle with expectations is when I put them on myself.  When it comes to me, I tend to set unrealistic expectations for myself, expectations I would never put on anyone else.  I tell myself I need to have it all together, drink enough water, exercise, take care of chores around the house, be super-mom and super-teacher, volunteer at church, keep everyone around me happy, stay on schedule, fix healthy meals for my family, and be everything to everyone every day.  I know that list is not realistic- and I would NEVER ask it of anyone else.  So why do I ask it of myself? 

I will admit I tell my students that I have high expectations for them- but my expectations are simply to do their best and to treat themselves and others with respect.  As long as they are working hard to give me their best effort, I’m happy with whatever letter grade that translates to.  As long as they are respectful, I am happy to forgive “behaviors” here and there.  Why can’t I give myself that kind of grace?  If I am doing my best, so what if things are taking me longer to achieve that I had hoped? If I am acting out of love and respect why do I get frustrated with myself if I have to tell someone “No, I’m sorry, I just can’t commit to that obligation”? 

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that I’m not the only girl who has the same problem with expectations.  Where the ones you set for others are reasonable, but the expectations you set for yourself are crazy…

I am trying to look at it this way… when we are traveling and I book a hotel room just to layover on the trip, my expectations are pretty simple- clean, comfortable, safe, and free breakfast of some sort.  However, when we arrive and I discover there is also free wifi, a fridge and microwave in the room, and breakfast has a waffle maker then I am THRILLED because my expectations were exceeded.  If I could look at each day that way I would be far less frustrated with myself.  I need to set some basic expectations… did I make the people around me feel loved and valued today?  Did I glorify God in all that I did? And THEN if I manage to ALSO clean the house, set a hot meal on the table, and drink 80 ounces of water- AWESOME, my expectations were exceeded. 

I want to draw my expectations for my life from what God says he expects of me, not what I say I expect of myself.  “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.  All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.’” Matthew 22:37-40  Those… those are the expectations I need to be setting for myself.  And in the meantime, if I exceed them by having a well behaved toddler in the grocery, that’s just icing on the cake.  😉