Rest in Me

Sometimes I really wish I could figure out how to be in two places at once.  I’ve felt this way many times before, but especially the last few weeks.  I need to be in Indiana finishing the packing of that house… our days there are VERY numbered.  I need to be in Illinois working on the house hunting process there.  I am still dealing with insurance issues from our little car incident a couple weeks ago, so I need to be on the phone with those calls, but I also need to be on the computer doing my continual checks for new teaching job postings. 

I have always been one to burn the candle at both ends, but I have been feeling it catch up to me lately.  I am finding myself exhausted, stressed out, frustrated, battling sadness, and trying to process an overwhelming amount of emotions at once.  It kind of all came to a breaking point one afternoon late last week.  I felt like I simply could not accomplish all that was on my plate, plus be a good mommy.  I was again battling insurance/rental car issues from the accident, my “to do” list was two pages long, and I was completely emotionally spent dealing with real estate questions/situations.  When (a) asked to “snuggle wif Momma” at his nap time I gave in to my exhaustion and laid down with him, though I struggled to really rest because I kept waking up with the guilt that… he is sleeping, I should be accomplishing something!!  About the time I decided I could no longer take the guilt and I wiggled out from under my sleeping toddler, my mom (who lives west of us) texted to let me know a huge storm had just come through and was headed our way.  And within 10 minutes, the day which had been sunny and beautiful, was black and pouring and battered by the incredibly strong wind.  Before long the power was out and (a) was up from his nap.  I had accomplished basically nothing and now… well I had very little light to see by because the storm outside had darkened the afternoon sky and the “help” of a little boy who is not always so helpful.  All I wanted to do was cry.  I was feeling like a total exhausted failure, and to top it off I was really missing (A) and having his help to navigate all the life changes and decisions I was trying to make for our family.

Thankfully, all this happened on a Thursday while I was still in Indiana.  Our beloved Ogilville Christian Church has a Thursday evening service that we like to frequent, and I had already decided that (a) and I were going to go that evening to spend time in worship and get to see our friends.  After 4 hours of no electricity and all the other emotions on my plate… walking into worship was the best decision I could have made.  The immediate hugs I received from my precious friends were like hugs deep into my soul, and as we began to sing, peace started to wash over me, and I could feel my entire posture change and my body relax.  And as we continued to sing, I heard God whisper into my heart “Rest in ME.”  I let those words resonate as I closed my eyes and let a couple tears slip out… all the struggles and stresses and frustrations I was feeling were not going to go away, but the guilt and the pressure those things were putting on me could be relieved by simply taking them to the hands of the ONE who can handle all our burdens.  “Rest in ME”  The phone calls still have to be made, the paperwork still has to be figured out, the boxes still have to be packed, I still need to apply for the jobs, but the emotional cost of all that can be drastically reduced… “Rest in ME.”  It was also a gentle reminder, that when I gave Him my time and energy by choosing to stop and step into worship, He would renew my heart and give me the rest I desperately needed. And I left worship that evening feeling like weights had been lifted off of me.

On Sunday afternoon I took a look at my “to do” list and realized that none of those things could be accomplished that day.  Many things on the list needed to happen during weekly business hours, other things needed to happen in Indiana, but I was in Illinois, so I decided to listen to my precious reminder “Rest in ME” and set the list aside for the day.  Our family spent the entire afternoon and evening playing, and laughing, relaxing, swinging, laughing some more, and catching up on much needed family time. 

And I realized I hadn’t just been lacking the time I needed to enjoy my family, I had been lacking the PEACE I needed to truly enjoy my family.  A peace that could only come by turning things over to the One who gives the only real rejuvenating rest.  “Rest in ME.” 

I have gone back to checking things off of my to-do list, but with a different renewed energy and a different strategy… when I am beginning to feel overwhelmed “Rest in ME.”  When I am mentally and emotionally exhausted “Rest in ME,” when I don’t know where it is going to come from… “Rest in ME.”  And He is SO very faithful I just know when I need rest… He will continue to provide.     

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28