It's Not Working!

We are learning that with a 2-year-old in the house, you never know what you are going to hear about from day to day.  But there are also phrases that you can almost guarantee you are going to hear daily as well!  Currently one of the most common phrases in our home is “It’s not working!!”  Need help opening string cheese? “It’s not working!”  Get your arm stuck in your sleeve? “It’s not working!”  Trying to make your toy car go up hill without any effort? “It’s not working!” Lock preventing you from opening the door? “It’s not working!!”  Talking on a pretend phone to someone for 10 minutes, then realize they are not answering you back? “It’s not working!!” (Ok, that one was hilarious!!)

Occasionally (as with the phone) it’s true, it’s really not working… but many other times this is the “go to” phrase that (a) uses when things require a little effort on his part, or he really needs help from someone else.  Sometimes I find my self even a little frustrated with him when he tells me “It’s not working” because I can see that he just needs to be willing to put in the effort, or MOST OFTEN he just needs to be PATIENT and wait on my help.

Getting the car he loves to go uphill has been the source of "It's not working!" several times lately.

As frustrated as it makes me, when I sit back and think about it, I have to wonder if this is how God sees me sometimes.  I’ve had a lot of “It’s not working!” moments myself lately.  I discovered some very important paperwork we needed was in storage (along with everything else in our life!) and there was no possible way for me to get to it.  My first response was to cry.  Then I called (A) who graciously reminded me of a back up plan that worked perfectly.  Plans got switched around in the middle of a hectic evening, I was totally frustrated and in tears… take a deep breath, re-group, ask for help-  it’s taken care of.  Sometimes I am just not patient enough, or I just need to put in a little more “trust effort” or take one more step, but instead of doing that I am melting down that “it’s not working!”

There are several pieces to our life that haven’t fallen in to place yet in the transition of this move.  I’m really struggling with those pieces.  Some of them are big pieces, others are small.  Part of the struggle is from pieces that were working REALLY well before our move, and now they don’t work at all and I’m wrestling a lot with that.  Some of the pieces haven’t been working for nearly a year, or haven’t been working very well, and my heart is still healing so I know deep down that I just need to be patient.  Some of the pieces are just a part of it (2 year old separation anxiety, learning all the one way streets, figuring out where our stuff is, finding locations around town) and I am just going to have to put in the effort to get through those pieces.  But I can’t lie- when I take a look at all these pieces, I just want to look up at God and tell him “It isn’t working!!”  So when that happens, I try to remind myself what I say to (a), “Do you need me to help you?”  And I realize that when I feel like “It isn’t working!!” what I should be saying is, “God, I need your help!”  Instead of trying to figure out things that are bigger than me, I need to ask the one bigger than me to help me navigate it.  And then I need to patiently wait. 

Both of those things are hard for me… I’m a pretty independent girl (hmmm… wonder where that 2-year-old gets it!?) I don’t like to ask for help, and when I am ready to move to action I don’t want to wait- I want to do it now.  But I also know that when I hear “It’s not working!!,” often it really is something (a) can’t do on his own yet and he HAS to have help, and there are many times that I can’t get to it immediately, or I even have him wait just a little bit because I am trying to teach him a lesson in patience.  How often in my own “It’s not working!” moments does God need me to realize that I really can’t do it on my own? I have to be willing to ask for His help.  Or maybe, I just need a lesson in patience.  I’m so grateful for His patience with me as I’m navigating these lessons, and His help that I know will eventually come when I’m willing to ask.

“But I cry to you for help, Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you.” Psalm 88:13

“We wait in hope for the Lord, he is our help and our shield.” Psalm 33:20