Help!

At dinner tonight, we were having a laugh at how many “adult” phrases (a) has picked up from us.  He will often jabber something to us followed by “Ok!?” which I know he has learned from me when I stop and listen to myself give him directions. The other night he was talking to me as I was trying to do something else at the same time and he very gently took my chin and turned my face toward him and said “listen to me”- a phrase and motion his daddy uses with him.  He is always repeating things to the dogs that he has heard us say like “Stay on your blanket!” and “Come here!” paired with patting a hand to the leg as he calls.  We have realized that we have to be pretty careful what we say around him, because it will often pop back into conversation at some point later!

One of my favorite phrases to hear from him though is “Please, help me!” And I can’t lie, sometimes I really enjoy it because he has gotten himself into some situation that is somewhat hilarious and that is why he is in need of help.  But other times he just needs to reach something or do something that he cannot do on his own.  And I love helping him!  I love knowing that he trusts me enough to ask me for help, and I love the trust that he knows I will do my best to come through for him.  I will admit though, I don’t think “Please, help me!” is a phrase he has picked up from me.  I am terrible about asking for help. 

Yep! He is TOTALLY my kid! Falling backwards into a box is a definite possibility where you might actually hear me calling "Help!" (Yes, I did help him... after I got my picture)

I love to be a “giver” of help!  It brings me joy to do things for others or come alongside them in some way.  But, I am stubborn, strong-willed, and pretty self-reliant.  That stubborn tenacity is both a blessing and a curse.  While it has gotten me through a lot of tough situations, it also bites me in the tail sometimes because it makes we a terrible “receiver” of help.

I am slowly learning the power of the statement, “Please, help me!”  One lesson God has been teaching me is that there is no shame in asking for help when you need it.  In the last few months, (A) has not had the same end-of-the-day flexibility we were used to for many years.  He used to have the ability to adjust his work hours to be done by 5 or so and pick up (a) from daycare if I had some place to be or errands to take care of.  He was able to go in a little later or take (a) along with him to work for a little while if he was sick and we were running our alternate childcare plan.  Right now, he no longer has that kind of flexibility, and does not get off work until after childcare has already closed.  I know that is a very petty thing and is the “normal” for many people we know, but it has forced me (the self-reliant one) to have to reach out and ask for help on days when I just can’t logistically make it all happen.  And do you know what I have found? People are willing to help, and often even glad I asked (or at least they tell me they are haha). 

I have always been stubborn about my mental and emotional management as well.  I want to be in control and “tough” but life has a way of taking its toll.  After nursing a battered heart for a while, I finally realized, it is ok to ask for help.  And the first line of help, brought in a second line of help.  And do you know what I’ve found?  People are willing to help!  And I am becoming glad I asked for help.

There have been some other ways help has come into our lives over the past several months, and sometimes that has been very humbling.  It has been hard to accept help sometimes, but I remind myself of the JOY it brings me to be a help “giver,” and so I have been a help “receiver” because I do not want to take the joy of that opportunity from someone else.

The Bible is full of accounts where God’s people call on Him for help and He stepped in to intercede for them.  He fed manna when they were hungry, he fought many battles for his people, he showed his power in impossible looking situations.  Jesus helped so many who were in need of physical healing, and gave the opportunity for spiritual healing to anyone who chooses Him as their Savior.  From reading those many accounts in His Word, it brings me back to my feelings on helping (a).  I believe God wants to help us, and He wants us to trust Him enough to ASK for His help.  I admit, it is still hard for me to ask for Him for help sometimes- but do you know what I’ve found?  He is willing to help, and He is glad when I ask!  And He loves me so much that sometimes he sends help even before I ask. 

“You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your help has made me great.” Psalm 18:35

“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.” Psalm 33:20

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

“God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” Psalm 46:5

Get Creative

This past weekend, (A) and I took a trip to Grundy, Virginia for him to preach at a church there.  Grundy is in the heart of the Appalachian Mountains, a place where I had never really spent any time.  I have been in plenty of mountain areas before, but the lay of the land has never been quite like this.  In the Rockies and the Sierra Nevadas there is some flat land and then, boom… mountains.  So the towns are built in the flat areas, and then you can specifically choose to go up into the mountains if you so desire.  The Smokeys have large areas of flat valley between the mountains so towns or tourist areas have space to spread out between the mountains.  But where we were this weekend, it was pretty much mountain or stream.  The valley area between the mountains is so narrow, and large parts of that valley area are taken up by rivers and streams.  I was completely fascinated by how the town was built in these small flat spaces!  As we drove in to town I couldn’t stop looking up at the impressive ridge lines far above me, and then I looked back down at the road in front of us and couldn’t believe it… they have a 3 story Walmart!!! (We were told it is the only one in the country!)  I can’t lie, I had to roll down the window and start snapping pictures.  But what we came to find out was, there really wasn’t enough flat land for both a building and a parking lot, so there are two levels of parking garage and the store is on the top.  Sometimes, architects have to get creative, and find-a-way-make-a-way, to achieve their goal- and the outcome was quite impressive!  I’ll be honest, I have never looked at the building of a large box store before and thought, “Wow, that’s a beautiful building” but this past weekend, I did! 

Yesterday (a) was scheduled for a haircut.  He has quite a bit of hair, so this is a rather regular occurrence, but it has become a fight I dread (for me and our stylist) every time.  He usually yells, screams, cries, and throws a fit the entire time.  I don’t know what’s so terrifying about getting a haircut (especially since he rarely even lets her get to the part where the clippers are involved), but he is NOT a fan.  Yesterday morning I told him he was going to get a haircut and he quickly grabbed his head and told me “I not like it!  I not like haircut!!”  I knew, as a mom, I was going to have to get creative.  I told him we could make a deal- if he was a big boy who did not cry or scream at his haircut we would stop and get ice cream afterwards.  That sure changed his tune for the day!  He spent the rest of the morning and all afternoon telling me “See Christy (our stylist), get i-ceam!!” And sure enough, though we had a few whimpers and a little fight with keeping his hands out of the way, he was 1000% improved over the usual and afterwards he and I stopped for frozen yogurt.  Sometimes, you have to get creative, and find-a-way-make-a-way to survive in this mom gig. 

As a teacher, I am constantly finding ways to get creative in how I present material, keep students engaged, and help them remember the things they are learning.  I have often found, the more creative risks I am willing to take with them, the better the outcome is in terms of the work they produce or retention of what I am teaching them. 

When I look at my life, I realize that unfortunately, sometimes God has to get creative to get to me.  I am stubborn, I mess up often, I try to do things on my own, and I don’t always consult Him first.  Sometimes he has to get my attention in ways that are hard for me to understand, but I know it is because He loves me.  He knows every tall ridgeline and narrow valley in my heart.  He knows what things I do not want to face because “I not like it.”  He knows what it takes to help me learn to rely on Him, to trust his guidance, to trust his love.  I also know, because it is his promise, that He isn’t done with me.  On the days and weeks when my heart hurts and I don’t understand how the picture is coming together, HE is making a way though the wilderness of the “tough stuff.”  He doesn’t have to find a way, HE is the way and he made the way- and if I will only trust Him, I just know it is going to be a beautiful outcome when I stand back and see what he is building in me.

“Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

What Love Looks Like

Call me sappy, but I’m a big fan of Valentine’s Day. Now, I don’t mean all the flowers and balloons and chocolates and all of that stuff… but the celebration of love.  I think it is because my mom always made it such a fun holiday growing up.  No, she did not go overboard and send balloons and flowers to schools (as I teacher- THANK YOU, Mom, for not doing that!) but she always made it fun in some special way.  She would make a family favorite dinner complete with heart shaped Jello jigglers, or help us handmake Valentine cards with sparkly glitter glue.  She always had a small but special gift for us, and we celebrated love not in the mushy way, but the love of being a family.  Even during the awkward teen years when my friends were depressed by Valentine’s Day without a Prince Charming, I enjoyed it because I knew Mom wouldn’t fail to make it fun, and there would probably be heart shaped cookies to finish off a dinner of steak and baked potatoes. 

I saw that love wasn’t just “the mushy stuff.”  It is so much more than all of that.  And it makes me appreciate what “love” looks like in my life these days…

Love is walking into the kitchen and realizing someone else did the dishes already.

Love sacrifices a Sunday afternoon nap so I can have one.

Love says “I want to hold Mama.” (Sweetest toddler phrase ever!!)

Sometimes love doesn’t say anything, it just holds you while you cry.

Love gives big squeezy hugs then giggles and says “tickle, tickle, tickle!”

Love also gives sneak attack kisses.

I’ve watched love put aside its own feelings to do whatever it takes to take care of his family.

Love says “If you need me to dispose of a body I know where every sinkhole is on this place!” (No worries!! We haven’t done and wouldn’t do anything THAT stupid together, but I know her love would fight for me.)

Love shows up when you have a sick kid, your house is a mess, and you just need help.

Love sends a hand-written note in the mail to say “I’m thinking of you!”

Love takes care of bath time so you can have 5 minutes to just sit and rest.

Love wants to spend hours looking at pictures on our phones so he can see all his favorite people that he knows love him back.

Love helps figure out daycare pickup when Mommy can’t get there and Daddy is still at work.

Love is the look on his face when he is hugging the dog like his very best friend.

Love sends a text to say “I know you’re doing awesome.  I’m proud of you.”

Love does the laundry.

Love drops everything and comes when you need help.

Love lets you go run for your health and sanity, even when he is hungry and is anxious for you to fix dinner.

Love is where it is ok to not be ok.

Love says “I’m praying for you.”

Love checks in on you at just the right times.

Love wears a big cheesy grin and usually has sticky fingers.

Love makes you laugh.

Love brings home an unsweet tea “just because.”

Loves goes searching all over town (with a toddler) for medicine when you are sick.

Love sits with you when you are scared.

Love is brave in the face of fear.

Love does “evening duty” so you can still do some of the social things you want to do.

Love draws you a picture and writes “to the best teacher ever!”

Love reminds me that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Love says “I help Mama!”

Love looks at Daddy as his hero.

Love changes the station so you can listen to music you both like.

Love drives when you are too tired to.

Love shows what sacrifice is all about.

Love holds on to each other for dear life.

Love remains.

Love forgives.

Love went to the cross…  THAT is a love worth celebrating.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I hope you are able to look around and see the way love lives in your life this week. 

The Lessons and Questions from Two Years on this Adventure

On Sunday, we celebrated the big TWO in our house.  Two years of diapers and dimples, giggles and gross gunk, amazement and anxiety, fun and frustration, our hardest work and greatest joy… two years of parenting. 

I will admit, we spent most of the first year apologizing to (a) for being completely inexperienced at what to do in this parenting gig.  Thankfully, he was patient and let us keep practicing through the second year.  While I will be the first to admit we do NOT at all have it figured out, we have learned a few things in the last two years, not just about parenting, but things about LIFE.

We have learned…

-Flexibility goes a long way.  Flexible plan, flexible schedule, flexible expectations… they are all important.  When I am determined something HAS to go a certain way, I am usually disappointed.  When we are willing to be flexible and regroup, parenting (and life in general) is much more enjoyable. 

-Always throw in the change of clothes… and I don’t just mean for the kiddo.

-Take time for the snuggles.  This has sometimes been hard for me because I tend to be a “go, go, go” type of girl.  I’m usually checking off my list and working to accomplish the next thing, but I have tried hard to learn that sometimes the snuggly nap is more important, the books that he wants read should trump what I’m working on, and the dishes and laundry will still be there tomorrow if I spend that time tonight enjoying bedtime cuddles (except, actually they may not because my husband is a rock star!)

-Trust your nose.

-The tough stuff is better shared.  I have no earthly clue how I would have navigated these first two years without a strong husband and a tribe of helpers.  Whether it is a rough diaper change, his fiercely stubborn streak, or a 3 am decision that it is snack-and-play time I’m grateful to have someone by my side to step in when my patience is thin or step up when I just don’t have it together.  We are blessed with family who will drop everything and help when we ask and friends who have stood in the gap for us when we needed it.  It really is true, it takes a village to raise a child, but I’m also learning to see that it takes a village to accomplish anything worth doing in life.

-Cheesy grins and peals of laughter can fix the worst day or melt a heart of stone.

-It’s still important to take time to be the best you.  At first, I was worried about how I would be able to be all mom, all the time, but I quickly learned that I didn’t have to be, actually that I SHOULDN’T be.  It is kind of the like the “airplane safety talk,” you know- the one where they tell you that you first must put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs.  While it first sounds super selfish, it makes sense.  If you become incapacitated because you can’t breathe, you are no longer able to help the person you are with.  If I am not spiritually healthy, mentally healthy, emotionally healthy, or physically healthy I am not able to be the mom he needs me to be.  While I certainly can’t have all the “me time” I used to have, I have learned that it is not selfish to take care of myself because that I how I am able to give the best of myself to my family. 

-“Gross” is a relative term.

-When you think there is no way to love someone any more than you already do, just wait, you can.  (A) and I were married nearly 9 years before (a) was born.  We had been through a lot together, I was pretty sure I loved him as much as I could… and then I watched him become a dad.  If I tried to tell you everything I appreciate about him as a dad I would still be writing three days from now.  The sheer joy that radiates from the two of them together makes my heart want to explode.  There is no part of parenting he backs away from, and he does whatever it takes to help keep the balancing act of our crazy lives in play.  I thought I loved him before, but I love him even more now.  The same goes for that little dimple faced boy.  The first few days of his life I was totally amazed at how precious he was and we loved him quickly… but now he climbs in my lap and says “I want to hold Mama” and I realize I love him even more.  Every time I watch him read a book, or laugh, or play with his dog, or love on his people I think “there’s no way I could love him any more” and then he does something else and I realize I was wrong, it is possible to love him more than I already do.

While we have learned a lot about life from parent…. There are still a lot of questions that I have….

-Will we ever figure out how to squeeze 27 hours into a day?

-Will there ever be a time that I am not exhausted?

-Children’s cartoons….. Seriously, who let this Paw Patrol kid, Ryder, have 6 dogs at age 10? Who is funding all his crazy gadgets? Who voted for a mayor that constantly carries a chicken around in her purse??!!  Why has Adventure Bay never been listed on any vacation sites I have seen? I mean the place has ski slopes AND a beach you can swim in at the same time of year!!

-How does someone so small go through so much laundry?

-Is there any way around ALLLLL the messes?

-When will he stop screaming at haircuts and hair washes?

-Will the word “mine” ever be spoken kindly and lovingly?

-Will I ever be able to slow down time?

-Will he ever understand just how much we love him?

I don’t know if year three will hold the answers to any of these questions… but we are going to jump in to it and find out.

“Children are a gift from the Lord.  They are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3 (NIRV)