The Guilt Game

I don’t like to play games I can’t win… and trust me- I have found plenty of them!  I have always been a rather unathletic, uncoordinated girl.  From the time I was in elementary school I dreaded PE days.  No matter what, I felt like I couldn’t win.  If it was individual activities, such as the evil jump rope, I would end up covered in welts and other painful injuries because I was not coordinated enough to win even against myself.  When it was a team activity, I was almost always one of the last kids chosen, because it was no secret that I was not a fast runner, or a home run hitter, or a play maker… I was just a warm body, and SOMEONE had to pick me because the teachers wouldn’t let anyone sit out- so I couldn’t even “win” at avoidance. 

As a woman, there is a game I find myself in more often than I care to think about… The Guilt Game… and how matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to win.  I have always heard that comparison is the thief of joy, but I will also say that I believe guilt is a thief of joy as well.  I don’t know if men battle it or not, but as a woman that sneaky guilt piece seems to follow me wherever I go.  If I am at work, I feel guilty that I am not with (a), if I am playing with (a) I feel guilty about all the things I’m not getting done around the house.   If I am working around the house, I feel guilty that I am not spending time with my guys.  If I am eating chocolate, there is the guilt that I shouldn’t be doing that if I didn’t run that night.  When I am reading a good book, I feel guilty for not getting some rest, but then many nights I lay awake from rest feeling guilty about not doing something to stimulate my brain.  There is so much we can have guilt about.  I know other women who battle my same feelings of guilt, but from their own perspectives- stay at home moms who feel guilty for not contributing financially or feel guilty for their child’s lack of social interaction with peers, talented women who feel guilty about not having time to share talent, but those sharing talent who feel guilty for taking the time to do so... the list goes on and on.

Now, I will admit, there is a time and a place for guilt.  If you have truly done something wrong, sin, then we certainly should feel guilty! But the guilt I’m talking about is the kind that Satan whispers to us.  This kind of guilt lies and tells us we are not enough.  It says you aren’t doing enough, you can’t be enough, and what you have in you isn’t good enough.  The reality is, this simply isn’t true.  God tells us that we are His, we are loved, and we were made in his image to do good works. 

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

This weekend I had two precious reminders about releasing that lying kind of guilt from two mentors that I truly admire.  I had the opportunity to attend a conference for my small business.  And I will admit, while I went to learn, I went even more for some much needed “girl time.”  Cue the first reason for guilt… “I SHOULD be here to learn something to advance my business.”  Soon upon arrival I ran into a mentor whom I love and respect immensely.  She is a major leader in our company, but has the most beautiful shining spirit for Jesus that radiates out of her and over the last few years we have bonded over both being minister’s wives and moms of young children.  We gave hugs and discussed how excited we were for the conference to begin.  She asked my friend standing next to me if she was looking forward to the class for those advancing into leadership, and my friend said yes, she was excited about it.  Then my gorgeous mentor turned to me and asked the same question… and in my heart, the whisper of guilt began, see I have not opted for that path currently, due to our life circumstances.  I took a deep breath and then briefly filled her in on our current ministry transition and finished by telling her that due to that I haven’t chosen to join the advancing group.  I waited for her to tell me that I was wrong, and I should be pushing through, and looking for advancement to be the perfect answer to our situation, but instead she gave me the most wonderful gift.  She took my hand and said, “I understand, I have been there, it is ok to do what you have to do sometimes, and I do not want you to have ANY GUILT about that.”  The hugest wave of relief flooded my body, it was probably even evident on my face! To hear someone I admire and respect so much tell me (and remind me again as we walked away from the conversation a few minutes later) that I did not need to feel any guilt about simply doing the best I could for me, made me feel as if the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.  And truthfully, it opened my heart up to hear things that God had waiting for me during the conference that I would not have heard if I had been listening to that liar, guilt. 

Later in the conference, another mentor and I were discussing the guilt that comes with juggling the many hats I wear.  She was in my shoes once, but it was many years ago, she has moved to a different stage of life now and can offer wonderful advice looking back at those extremely busy years.  She told me that life is often like a filing cabinet.  We have many different drawers to our lives.  Right now, I have the drawers as Christian, wife, mom, teacher, consultant, ministry roles, friend, daughter, sister, and so many more things.  She reminded me that you have to be careful with a filing cabinet- if you have too many drawers open at once the whole thing comes crashing over on top of you.  She suggested that the best way to fight the lying kind of guilt is to try not to have too many drawers open at once.  Some drawers are going to stay open all the time, like Christian.  But when my teacher drawer is open, I can’t worry about the consultant drawer, and when the mom drawer is open I can’t worry about the teacher drawer.  If I can learn to close some drawers some of the time, all the sudden that guilt game starts to look like something I might be able to win. 

When the lying kind of guilt creeps it, it steals our joy and holds us back from being everything that God created us to be.  It is a distraction that keeps us from from doing the good work God has planned for us.  I’m grateful for the “freeing” reminders I received this past weekend, and the reality that I serve a God who has called me to find who I am in HIM, created to do HIS works, and when I hold on to that truth… the guilt game is one I CAN win.  

Photo credit: YouVersion Bible App stock photo