Fearless

On Sunday afternoon we went to the zoo.  My sister had given us tickets last year as part of (a)’s Christmas gift (seriously SO awesome! I love experiences as opposed to things), and we had been trying to find a chance to go before they expired… I know, nothing like waiting til the last minute.  The weather was perfect, and because it was a Sunday there was NO CROWD (I probably shouldn’t share this secret as I told (A) all future zoo trips would happen on Sunday afternoons).  It was the PERFECT chance to get a great up-close look at the animals without having to jockey for space at the prime window locations.  We had a blast watching (a) point out the elephants’ hay, pet every single goat in the petting zoo, and cheer when the baby gorilla- who is about his size- came right over to the window near him.  When we got to the tiger enclosure I was curious as to what he would think.  As we came up to the glass the tiger was coming our direction.  I found his size to be impressive and couldn’t help but think how beautiful but scary powerful he looked as he came our way.  I was a little concerned as he got closer to us on the other side of the glass, because I thought (a) might be intimidated and scared by him.  But I was completely wrong- (a) got SO excited he cheered and walked up to the glass and roared at the tiger!!  The kid is fearless… when faced with the situation where many would be frightened or back down, he stepped up and roared in the face of the “fear.”  (A) and I looked at each other and couldn’t help but laugh… and the tiger turned around and peed on the glass haha!! 

It was pretty funny, and he kept talking about the tiger for a while, but it also got me thinking… when does that fear factor change? At his size the tiger was so much bigger, and should probably have been terrifying at such close range, but he wasn’t afraid.  When do we start to look at things and lose our fearlessness? When they look hard? When someone hurts our feelings?  When we don’t know what to do?  As I think about my life, I realize there are so many things I am afraid of.  I am afraid of the dark, I am afraid of racoons, I am afraid of making mistakes, I fear the unknown, I fear new beginnings, I fear losing who and what I love, I fear standing up for myself, I fear taking risks, some weeks I even fear hitting “publish” because I’m afraid of what you might think of me after reading this.  I look at that big personality in that little boy and I wish I could have some of his fearlessness- I also wish I could keep him fearless like that forever.  Because I know there will come a day, as he grows, that he will start to fear some of the things I am afraid of, and that breaks my heart for him already. 

Back in July I had the privilege to go to Dallas for a few days to attend a conference for my small business.  It was a great week of learning and fun with girlfriends, but even more powerful and important than the training I received, was something God placed on my heart during the last general session of the week.  One unit of women was crossing stage to be honored for having a $1 million year as a collective group, and as they crossed and introduced themselves, they each carried a sign with a single “power word” that they had used as a personal mantra for the year.  They said things like grow, believe, courageous, help, lead.  And as they continued to come God whispered deep into my heart.  I will admit there have been VERY few times when I have felt like I heard God so clearly as I did that morning, but there was no denying it.  I knew none of the women on stage at the time, so I’m sure it looked ridiculous as I sat in my seat moved to the point of tears, but I could not ignore that God very plainly told me to take on 4 words to hold on to- BRAVE, CONFIDENT, POSITIVE, GRATEFUL.   I knew those were areas in my life that He wanted to work, and quite frankly that alone was scary.  See those are areas where I feel pretty weak.  I would never consider myself brave, I struggle to be confident, I TRY to be positive but it takes a constant effort, and I have to continually remind myself to be grateful.  Still, as I said earlier, it was one of the rarest times I have heard God so clearly, so I wrote the words down in a few places and started repeating them to myself daily.  I had no idea why these words were so important, but I made it my mission to start living in such a way that I focused on being brave, confident, positive, and grateful.

 I will also admit that “brave” was the word that confused me the most at first.  I understand that being confident in who I am as a child of the King is important, and that my heart’s overflow of gratefulness and positive attitude is imperative, but brave?? Why brave, God? I had NO IDEA what the next few months of our life were going to hold, and how perfectly God had planned for me to start living those words.  I am still working daily on them, and many days it is a real struggle, but I see now why God told me those were the areas He wanted to focus on.  I was going to have to be brave to trust Him as we leapt in to the unknown and I started having to face huge fears on a daily basis.   I want to learn to be fearless again like a child, and I am finding that the only way to do that is to put my unknowns into the hands of the God I do know. 

We are told time and time again in the Bible to fear not, or do not be afraid.  It sounds so simple, but yet is so hard.  As I think about my son and how fearless he is I also realize this- he knows that the bigger people with him love him, and are going to protect him, and wouldn’t put him in a situation where he could get seriously hurt, and so it is easier for him to be fearless because he trusts that with us around he does not have anything to fear.  When I look at my life, and how I want to become brave and fearless again, I just have to remember, the bigger ONE who is with me loves me, He is going to protect me, and He will hold me up in any situation where I feel hurt.  I want to be brave, I want to look at my “tiger” and roar in its face because I am fiercely loved by a God who is bigger than all my fears.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10