What Your Preacher's Wife Won't Tell You

Today what I’m going to share with you is scary for me… like the idea of standing in front of a crowd in a swimsuit kind of scary.  But I am going to be very honest with you because I pray I’m not the only girl who feels this way.  I do NOT share it for any kind of sympathy or pat on the back, but I share because I hope this will bring encouragement to other sisters standing in my same size 9 shoes and the ministers they love and support.

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is that the guy up front in the pulpit each week… he’s just like you.  He has a set of fears, anxieties, and stresses.  He worries about his health, his kids, his house repairs, his finances, his job performance, his weight, his to do list, his own faith walk… just like you.  He is exhausted, and stretched thin, and doing his VERY best… just like you.    

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is that the weight of your burdens, your struggles, and your prayer requests come home with him.  He and his family don’t begrudge you for it, because he loves his people and he loves the ministry, but it is not something he can turn off when he walks through the door.

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is that it is very painful to hear people complain when they don’t get their way, criticize the way things are going, or say they are just too busy to plug in to any volunteer opportunities or programs outside of Sunday morning.  It hurts because she knows how hard her husband has worked and how many hours he has poured out to create opportunities, build programs, and grow the church’s family.  Lack of commitment is painful because she knows he has committed 200% of himself to the ministry and others are unwilling to commit even 10%. 

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is that church member emergencies never happen at 10 am on a Tuesday.  They are always during a birthday party, or special family dinner, or double date night, or after the baby has gone to bed.  And he and his family are happy for him to go and be there for you, because he loves his people and he loves the ministry, but it comes with sacrifices to his personal time. 

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is that sometimes it is really hard to juggle all the evening church functions (that other families can pick and choose to attend but her family can’t) with getting quality family time during the week.  And she is happy to see her hubby attend those functions, because he loves his people, and he loves the ministry, but that doesn’t make her miss him any less when he is still at work late while she is home, or he is busy working the event while his family sits without him at another table. 

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is that her family has their share of “stuff” too, they just don’t share it often because they don’t know who they can trust.  It can be hard to discern who truly cares, and who would just like to know about your life to pass it on as juicy gossip.  And that leads to the next thing…

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is that it is often a very lonely role.  She feels truly blessed and humbled to serve alongside her husband in ministry, so she doesn’t want to share her struggles because she doesn’t want to sound like a complainer.  But she is human too, and craves (and cherishes) the bond and trust of a couple good girlfriends who she can be “real” with- no strings attached, no judgments passed.

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is that she spends a lot of time doing her best swan impression.  You know, where what you see on top looks put together, calm, and peaceful- but under the water she is frantically paddling just to stay upright and afloat when it comes to her own and her family’s schedule, healthy, and emotional management.  She only lets you see what’s on top because she wants you to know she is very grateful for ministry opportunities and doesn’t want to be shut out of those opportunities.

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is that she walks a very careful balancing act.  If she doesn’t jump in with both feet, she is accused of being “standoffish” and anti-social.  If she does jump in with both feet, she quickly faces unrealistic expectations of what all she should be responsible for.

What your preacher’s wife won’t tell you, is how desperately she wants you to tell that man you appreciate him and you see the good he is doing and the hard work he is putting in.  That you see him as a person and not just someone who should grant your wishes as to how the Sunday service should run.  She doesn’t want you to wait until your annual Christmas card or October when it is officially “Pastor Appreciation Month.”  Tell him on a random Friday when he checks in to tell you he looks forward to seeing you at church this Sunday.  Tell him on a Sunday when you see him high-five the kids coming in for worship.  He does NOT do ministry for the praise of men, he does it because he knows that he is called by God to love people and love the ministry.  But he is human too- and the words “Thank You” and “I see how hard you work” go a long way to restore his weary heart that he is pouring out daily into what he does. 

What your preacher’s wife WILL tell you, is that her family loves God’s people, and they love serving in ministry. 

She will tell you they WILLINGLY make sacrifices for the good of the Kingdom and the good of the church where they serve. 

She will tell you they covet your prayers always, and a little extra grace on the hard days. 

She will tell you that she loves that man up front, and thanks God for giving him to her. 

She will tell you that SHE did not choose ministry for her family, but that GOD chose ministry for them and they are giving all they have to fulfill that “choosing” for HIM.

 ^"But as God’s ministers, we commend ourselves in everything:

by great endurance, by afflictions,

by hardship, by difficulties,
⁵ by beatings, by imprisonments,
by riots, by labors,
by sleepless nights, by times of hunger,
⁶ by purity, by knowledge,
by patience, by kindness,
by the Holy Spirit, by sincere love,
⁷ by the message of truth,
by the power of God;
through weapons of righteousness
on the right hand and the left,
⁸ through glory and dishonor,
through slander and good report;
as deceivers yet true;
⁹ as unknown yet recognized;
as dying and look—we live;
as being disciplined yet not killed;
¹⁰ as grieving yet always rejoicing;
as poor yet enriching many;
as having nothing yet possessing everything."

2 Corinthians 6:4-10 (HCSB)