What I Didn't Know I Didn't Know

 Five years ago this morning was also a Thursday.  We left the house very early, a bundle of nerves and excitement.  We each had a bag on our shoulder as we walked hand in hand into the hospital to have our first baby.  There were some things we knew that morning.  We knew our lives were about to change forever.  We knew we were having a little boy and we knew what we were going to name him.  We knew he was breech, so I would be having a c-section, which I knew would come with some recovery difficulties. 

 

There were also things we KNEW that we didn’t know.  We knew we didn’t know much about parenting, but knew we could learn as we went.  We knew that we didn’t know what he was going to look like, or that he would have 2 deep dimples that would melt our hearts in just a look.  We knew we didn’t know much about figuring out a sleep pattern with an infant, and we would be winging it as we went.

 

But what we really didn’t know, was what didn’t know.  I didn’t know that I didn’t know how my heart could so easily expand to love another.  I didn’t know that I didn’t know how much more I would appreciate my husband as I watched him care for us, and saw the fear on his face when my recovery complications were MUCH worse than we had ever anticipated. 

 

And as five years have flown past us, there have been so many more things that we didn’t know we didn’t know.  I didn’t know there would be SO many questions that I wouldn’t know how to answer.  I didn’t know that there would be so many times I wouldn’t know how to fix the toy or make the injury feel better.  I didn’t know there was so much I didn’t know about rodeo or super heroes.  I didn’t know that I wouldn’t know how to handle friendships that weren’t always the best influences or that I wouldn’t know how to help his broken heart when he was missing his friends who were the best influences and dearest supporters.  I didn’t know there would be so many times I would marvel at what he said or did, because I didn’t know he was capable of that task yet or had never heard him use that vocabulary before. 

 

In five years, there has been SO much that I didn’t know I didn’t know.  And that discovery has brought so much joy in parenting.  Every day is a new adventure.  Some days the adventure is exhausting and extremely challenging.  Some days it is the best ride ever.  I learn something new every day, and experience new moments I never want to forget. 

 

If I have learned anything by being a momma it’s this: there is so much I didn’t know I didn’t know- and those precious pearls of discovery are priceless gems.

 

Happy 5^th Birthday, (a)! Thank you for teaching me so much and helping me love bigger than I knew I was capable of.