Before I Was Your Mama

I have been told many times that the only constant in life is change.  In the 2 ½ years since becoming a mom that has been so true.  I used to go to bed when I got tired, now we have to make sure he is down first or who knows what might become of our house.  We used to watch things on TV that weren’t animated.  We used to do fine with just a couple loads of laundry per week.  And all those changes have been wonderful and welcomed- we love parenthood! But sometimes I forget just how much has changed.

Over the weekend we made an extremely quick trip “home” to Indiana.  Before we left the area, we made a very short stop by my family’s farm to pick up some gourds my mom had for my classroom.  It is no secret (a) LOVES the farm and he was excited to ride the combine for a few minutes with his Poppa Bornan.  Since it had rained the day before, the combine was in the shed and so we headed up the road in the side-by-side to get it.  When my dad hopped off the “Mule” to get on the combine, I slid over to the driver’s seat to follow him to the field.  When (a) saw me take the wheel his eyes got HUGE and he asked “YOU can drive dis, Mama??!!”  For a half second his disbelief stung just a little, and then I couldn’t help but laugh at his shock as I assured him that YES, I could drive this.  I had spent years of my life driving “dis”.  But to him that seemed crazy, because those years were before I was his mama.  I went on to reassure him that I could do MANY of the things he “helps” do on the farm, he just didn’t know me before I was his mama. 

Yes, Cowboy, your mama still knows her way around the farm. 😉

Silly as it may seem, that short exchange was heavy on my mind as we drove back to Illinois that evening.  And I realize that I want him to know who I was before I was his mama, because she helped make me who I am now. 

Before I was your mama, I faced fear and heartache that you might never exist, and that is why I cherish you so much.

Before I was your mama, I was known as the sister who was most likely to say or do stupid things.  I also had a knack for getting injuries on everyday objects such as empty cardboard boxes and plastic pitchers.  And that is why I can laugh at myself and shrug when I have one of those #momfail days and you are eating crackers off the floor wearing dirty clothes.  It is also why I tell you “you’re fine” every time you take a little tumble. 

Before I was your mama, I learned to have an intense work ethic by watching it modeled by my parents.  And that is why it makes me so proud to see you helping Daddy around the yard, doing chores when we are at the farm, or telling me that you “gotta do work!” when dinner is over.

Before I was your mama, I learned that life was going to throw you unexpected turns and unplanned changes.  And that is why I pray so fervently that you will place your trust in Jesus.

Before I was your mama, I loved your daddy fiercely.  And that is how I am able to love him fiercely still, even in the chaos of parenting.  And when you give us your look of total disbelief that Daddy would share his hugs and kisses with me and not just you, remember that he loved me before I was your mama.

Before I was your mama, I learned what it was like to make friends, and to lose friends.  And that is why I constantly remind you to “BE a friend.”

Before I was your mama, I used my voice to sing for Jesus.  And that is why I will play your favorite children’s church songs over and over and over, so I can listen to you sing for Him too.

Before I was your mama, I stood for what I believed in, I clung to my values, I spoke my heart, and I gave 100% of myself to everything I did.  And that is why I pray for the strength to continue doing so now that you are watching. 

Before I was your mama, I loved my family dearly.  And that is why I love watching you do the same. 

Sure, before I was your mama I was more rested, had less gray hairs, and had no sticky fingerprints on my doors.  Before I was your mama, I never had an argument with a toddler in Paw Patrol jammies, or had to open a buckin’ chute 267 times per evening.  And that is why I’m so thankful for the crazy, beautiful, chaotic life we have now.

I never want to forget the girl I was before I was your mama, because she helped make me who I am today.  And I pray that someday, a looonng time from now, you will find yourself an even better version of your mama.  And that you will come to love and appreciate her for who she was before you, and that you will make her a better version of herself like you have for me. 

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens;” Ecclesiastes 3:1