One Year Later

 One year.  My social media “memories” have been reminding me this week that it has been one year since our lives drastically changed.  March 17^th was the first day last year that I went to my classroom but no students were there.  We were sure it was just for a couple weeks and then they would be back.  Then as it became a reality that we wouldn’t be returning, rumors started of restrictions to the fall start of school and I doubted how that could ever be possible.  Before long, everything was changing. 

I snapped this photo on the way to school, EARLY the last morning my students were in-person for the '19-'20 school year.

My personal feelings and opinions on much of it are not important, but the reminders this week have made me reflective.  Ironically, as we pass over the anniversary of last year’s lock down, we are back to juggling a partial one at my house as well.  (A) is currently living in isolation in our basement due to a potential exposure (he feels completely fine and is already ½ way vaccinated- just required to follow the public health guidelines), and I have had some serious emotional meltdowns over the situation.  There are some very important things happening in our lives right now that he is missing, I’m in an extremely stressful time at school right now as we began state testing this week, physically managing both boys by myself at 8 months pregnant is proving extremely hard, and doggone it- my mental health has been taxed heavily.  I don’t tell you these things to throw a pity party, I know it could always be much worse and others are dealing with things far worse- just sharing my “real” struggles because it brought me to this….

 

Last night I laid awake longer than usual working through my feelings and praying about where my heart is.  The last year did still give me some precious blessings of time with my family, but it has stolen much of my passion and left me often just going through the motions of survival mode.  I’m tired of living in survival mode, and I miss my heart begin on fire.  Through tears I opened my daily devotional.  Since my word for 2021 is “STILL,” I have been working through devotions addressing this topic.  Last night’s brought me to a verse in Isaiah that I wasn’t overly familiar with,

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18

 

The comfort that poured over me was like a warm blanket.  God is STILL holding me in the palm of His hand.  No matter how weary my heart and body feel, He is gracious and compassionate to me.  As I prayed for renewed strength and passion, I felt hope that He has not forgotten me- He is STILL the same God who made this promise to His people thousands of years ago, and it STILL holds true for me today.  And I am holding tight to that promise- as I feed my kiddos pizza more days in a row than I want to admit, try to do all the right things for all my students, and pray for renewed physical strength and a heart on fire.  He is still the same God of Isaiah, He is still the same God of a year ago, and He is STILL sustaining me today.  And no matter what changes around me, I will take heart that those truths will NOT change.